An Explanation

Okay, well, I don't know how many people will find this as I abruptly changed the name and URL of my blog but nevertheless I should explain what's going on.

Well, yesterday someone who I did not want to find my blog stumbled upon it. When I discovered this , I decided that I must "vanish" in some way, thus I moved my blog to a new location of sorts. Now, because of how Blogger is set up, former links to my previous blog have been cut off and the old URL is now dead. Technically it says all my old subscribers have followed over but things are harder to figure out and believe than they appear so I have a feeling many old subscribers are not actually receiving updates. (maybe I'm wrong)

Apart form yesterday's little debacle, life has been pretty good. I got my Math Level 2 SAT II subject test score today. For those who don't know how the SAT system works, multiple choice tests are based on a 800 point scale with the highest being 800 and the lowest possible score being 200. I took the Math Level 2 test back at the beginning of October and I thought it was somewhat difficult and my hope was to score at least a 720 or 730, something at least close to my initial SAT Math score. SO, lo and behold I literally danced around my house when I found out I got a 750. I was happy not only because I beat my goal score, but also this means I am done with standardized exams!

Again, I apologize for the sudden disappearance form my old blog and the sudden move to this location but it was needed in order to protect my own thoughts from those who I would rather not read my ramblings. But to end on a lighter note, Halloween is coming up and tomorrow I'm going to school dressed as a Pirate so I need to go prep my costume now.

Have a Terrifyingly Fantastic Halloween

All the best,

JP

F*ck!!!!!

problem, major problem. initial plans to study for two tests tomorrow have just been completely killed and blown out of the water. fuck fuck fuck!

Okay, someone who will not be identified has found my blog, so I changed the URL and title but things have gotten really messy right now. I'm considering deleting this blog but I'm hesitant to at the same time. I have no idea what to do now.

Homecoming Part Deux and BFs

I promised I would go into greater detail as to what went on during homecoming so here I go- As I said dinner was good, ableit service being rather on the lethargic side and we arrived at the school around 9:30. For the majority of the dance I was with my crew group and for the most part the music wasn't that good (what's new?) but occasionally a few danceable songs were thrown in. It seemed this year turnout was smaller than in previous years but one thing that was the same was the heat and humidity. Our homecoming is held in the school gym and needless to say an over 40 year old air conditioning and ventilation system is not going to cope well with the amount of heat and sweat of a gym full of moving teenagers. Also, let me just say, what the hell happened to actual dancing at a dance? The majority of the people were in grind trains or were packed so close together you could count how many eyelashes someone has (wtf was that analogy?)Later on in the night people started to leave so things quieted down a bit, the final two songs were Mr. Brightside by The Killers (totally my 8th grade jam) and Don't Stop Belivin' by Journey, a rather strange ending slow dance in my opinion. But overall, this was a pretty cool homecoming, the only thing which could have made it better would have been if I had a date but I'll discuss that later.

Now that I've come out to someone in my family, I'm making an attempt to come out all the way at school. Apart from the dozen or so who already know, I don't think if it has gotten out yet eventhough I've told everyone that I don't really care if people know anymore. While finally almost coming out at school feels great, one thing that I really want/is bothering me is my lack of a boyfriend. As most of you know of my love for someone named Matt, I'm trying to get across to myself that I'm 92% sure he's straight and that this will get nowhere and that I'm wasting my time. Needless to say this is proving to be rather difficult (I've liked him for almost two years now >.<) so maybe I should take things one step at a time and get over him before I make any new moves no matter how long it will take.

The problem is that at my school it's particularly difficult to find any other gay or bi guys mostly because the ones that are out are not who I'm looking for and all the others are either in the closet or I just don't know they exist. My bit of applied statistics in a previous post worked out about 7 or 8 gay/bi guys in my senior class, I forgot whether if I included myself in that or not. Even so, I only know of three gay/bi guys in my class which leaves over half either a mystery to me or are in the closet, all statistically of course. So I'm stuck, really, none of the guys that are out appeal to me and all the others can't be found. I know that maybe I should open up my mind and look at those who I know are out, but even with that things still don't' work.

So, have any advice? Things aren't really in my control but I really want to be in some relationship before high school ends, don't want to sound needy or anything, it's just the truth.

All the best,

JP

Homecoming

So Homecoming was a blast, hyper humidity, semi-deaf ears, sweatiness and all. In the end, the homecoming race was really close but another guy beat me to the HC King win. But good thing is, the guy who won is a really nice person and if I were to lose to anyone it would have been him; he isn't a jerk like many of the other guys are so it was all good in the end. This whole process was probably one of the most memorable experiences of my high school career, and even though I did not win, I did manage to get a free HC ticket($20 value!) and a sweet sash out of it lol.

After pictures at one of my friend's houses, we went out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant which was really good but service was kinda slow that night, the veal parmigiana I got was really tasty. We ended up arriving a little late to the dance but still managed to have a ton of fun. I won't comment too much on the dancing but let me just say that most of the dancing that goes on at high school now is really going beyond what is socially acceptable, literally, if things went just a little further, it would be "straight up fornication" in the words of my friend Kirstin. I generally hung around my group of crew friends in the end as well as the German exchange student who we invited to join us (funny lad, really) and I honestly believe we had the most fun out of everyone at the dance. (details withheld until next post)

Okay, so I'm going to cut things short and cut out other details of my rather busy weekend and other things that went on during HC for now. I'll go into greater detail in my next post but I need to go to bed as I have a government test tomorrow, sorry, night y'all.

All the best,

JP

Sex on Wheels

-4.8L V10 Engine

-552 BHP

-Carbon Fiber Chassis

-202 MPH Top Speed

-6 Speed DSG Transmission

-The sound of an F1 car

-All for "only" $375,000 (or a decent house for that matter)

-This really is sex on wheels.

Lexus LF-A *love*

I'll be finding out who won HC King and Queen tonight, I'll report back in a few hours. Wish me luck ^_^

All the best,

JP

Kids

MGMT - Kids

Funky video but a great song.

also, I'm back to tip top health again! and just in time for homecoming. :D

All the best,

JP

A Foggy Day (In London Town)

So I can't really think of anything to talk about, I should be reading, doing English homework or studying but being the procrastinator I am, I will be putting it off until tomorrow (heh, let's see how that works out). My fever it seems is finally gone for good, but just as I'm getting better, it seems 8 people have taken my place by getting what they claim to be the swine flu (doubt it, probably just regular flu or something for many) but I guess that's what happens this time of year. I really hope I, or anyone for that matter, doesn't have to go through that awful experience again.

Anyways, I would also like to congratulate some of the other people who have recently come out- Jason Carwin, Brett and FMS have all come out and I subscribe to all these guys so look for them and give them a shoutout for the huge step they made, and the amazing amount of courage they all displayed.

This coming week doesn't look like too much fun, especially with AP English acting like a two ton steel ball and chain attached to my ankle. We recently turned in a draft for college essays to be graded, I really hope I didn't bomb it,.I didn't think it was too bad, but it was hardly my best work. Hopefully, everything will turn out okay in the end and Friday will be good. Friday is going to be pretty busy, there's the first pep rally and I get to walk down the football field with my escort (best friend Maria) and then that evening at the football game I get to do the same except with my mom as well. At halftime I also get to find out who will be this year's HC King and Queen. Wouldn't it be awesome if I won, haha. I'll let you guys know right away what happens, win or lose it was a pretty fun once-in-a-lifetime experience. This week is also spirit week at my school anf tomorrow is flashback day, I contemplated dressing up as a dinosaur but I ran out of time and green and brown scales to stick onto my body.

Sorry this was kinda a filler post, I'm having an absolute block onto anything interesting and with this busy week coming up, it also appears that posts may be rarer than normal.

Anyways, the title was a Michael Bublé reference, I love his voice and he isn't too bad looking either, great background music.

Well, goodnight, and I hope everyone will have a fun and productive week.

All the best,

JP

I'm Alive!

So I haven't posted since Monday and some people were starting to get concerned (awww, love you :D) but I'm back. I'm still slightly sick, light cough, no real appetite in any form, and low fever but otherwise the worst is over. I've been super busy recently which explains why I haven't had much time to blog or do much else outside of school work for that matter, but the weekend is finally here!

So recently there has been a little 65-question questionnaire going around, I think it started over at Tyler's and then spread to Octavius, Fer, Peter and more so I too shall join in.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
-I always just soak first and then I wash and condition my hair, nothing too extravagant but I like the feeling of soft clean hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
-A grey-tan sand like colour?

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
-Um, sure? It was my mom goodnight if that counts

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
-My routine- find a pair of jeans, rummage through my drawers for a shirt and then match that up with a jacket and, now that it's getting cold, a scarf. But no, I coordinate on the spot.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
-Sleepy and looking forward to getting a full nights sleep for once.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
-My Ferrari key lanyard

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
-Um, I was locked in what appeared to be a convenience store with my friends in New York and we were arguing whether sunflower seeds belonged in the medicine isle.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
-Yes, a friend of Matt's who missed his Academy class bus, he was a loud, bigoted, foul mouthed a-hole who made me laugh harder than I had all week.

9. What are you craving right now?
-A gyro (yum!)

10. Do you floss?
-no, but I occasionally use my mom's water-pik which is like a water-flossing machine

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
-Slaw

12. Are you emotional?
-For the most part no, I'm the stable one in my group of friends and usually serve as the rock or someone everyone can fall back on. But in private I can be a little.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
-Tried once, failed, never wasting time like that again

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
-Lick, in a somewhat suggestive way apparently according to some of my friends (whoops :P)

15. Do you like your hair?
-Yes, I wish it wasn't so coarse though

16. Do you like yourself?
-Yes, I'm unique and proud of it

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
-Um, if I get invited to lunch with him or something?

18. What are you listening to right now?
-The radio - currently playing Vivaldi-Concerto for two violins in A minor

19. Are your parents strict?
-Just strict enough, but flexible as well

20. Would you go sky diving?
-I've done that in a wind tunnel but I might need some prodding to do it in real life.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
-Yes, with crackers, peaches or both

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
-Samuel L. Jackson at a gas station on the way home from crew practice, most amazing moment ever!

23. Do you rent movies often?
-Rarely

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
-A medal from a FBLA competition?

25. How many countries have you visited?
-25, I counted

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
-nope, too chicken lol

27. Ever been on a train?
-TGV in France and a train in China, apart from the metro that is.

28. Brown or white eggs?
-Not a big fan of either unless it's in baked goods

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
-Yes, old, but reliable

30. Do you use chap stick?
-How else do I keep my lips from drying out?

31. Do you own a gun?
-no

32. Can you use chop sticks?
-I think there's a built in chopstick-using gene in every Asian person in the world.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
-no one, except my hand (sorry, being honest here)

34. Are you too forgiving?
-I can be, but I try to be fair

35. Ever been in love?
-Yes, yes, yes and uhhhh.... yes

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
-Sorry, I don't stalk

37. Ever have cream puffs?
-Yup, I like to pop whole ones into my mouth (that's what she said)

38. Last time you cried?
-A while ago, but I get yawn-tears if you know what those are

39. What was the last question you asked?
-Where's the hot chocolate?

40. Favorite time of the year?
-Autumn, cool weather and colourful leaves!

41. Do you have any tattoos?
-Nope, and do not plan on getting any

42. Are you sarcastic?
-of course not! ;D

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
-Nope

44. Ever walked into a wall?
-nono, I walk through them

45. Favorite color?Green, although red is a shoe in for second

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
-No, but when I do, I plan to make it a very satisfying and loud one

47. Is your hair curly?
-nope, straight as an arrow for the most part

48. What was the last CD you bought?
-Silverstein - A Shipwreck in the Sand

49. Do looks matter?
-Only to a point, there are more important things than looks

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
-Probably not

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
-No

52. Do you like your life right now?
-For the most part, yes- stress, work, sleepless nights and all :D

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
-I can fall asleep with a TV on but I prefer quiet and dark

54. Can you handle the truth?
-Yes

55. Do you have good vision?
-My prescription on my glasses and contacts is in the low-mid strength range

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
-Yes, mostly because they are terrible jerks to everyone they know.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
-Every day, we get a good amount of calls

58. The last person you held hands with?
-My friend's grandmother who I was helping to her table at a wedding reception

59. What are you wearing?
-Jeans, dark grey pull over, socks, watch, belt, blue boxers, but maybe that's a bit too much detail

60.What is your favorite animal?
-either an owl because it's wise and observant or the horse because it's graceful

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
-Allposters.com

62. Can you hula hoop?
-I used to, but alas, not anymore

63. Do you have a job?
-Full time student

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
-a box of glow sticks

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
-Every day, it makes me feel ninja

Care to join in the merriment? you know you want to answer these extra exciting questions!

All the best,

JP

Great...

This morning I went to the doctor to get checked out since I did not sleep a wink last night and ended up having a 102.3 degree fever this morning. The result? I have the flu, and potentially the swine flu. Apparently its been so common recently that they don't even bother checking for which anymore, especially since most healthy young adults pull through just fine either way. It would seem then I will be stuck at home for a few more days until I go 24 hours without a fever.

National Coming Out Day

First, happy National Coming Out Day! And for everyone in the nation who did come out today, congratulations on making such a big step! Today is also notable for the gay rights movement as today there was a massive rally in Washington DC for gay rights reform. Unfortunately, I couldn't go for a multitude of reasons but I was there in spirit.

Second, I'm sick. This morning (meaning 3AM) I woke up with a massive headache, a persistent cough and aches which would not leave me alone. As the day progressed and I actually got up (8 AM), I took my temperature and confirmed that I have a 100.1 degree fever. So what was supposed to be a productive day ended up being a cycle of meds, forcing myself to sleep, and trying to ignore a pounding headache. Recently one of my good friends contracted H1N1 flu so I really hope that I haven't as well. :(

Ugh, I feel like crap right now.

Judeo-Vietnamese Birthday-Wedding?

Just got home and completely exhausted form what was probably one of the best nights ever despite having to take the Math Level 2 SAT Subject Test this morning. So how this worked out was that one of my friends, who I almost never get to see, had her 18th birthday today, but, as it turned out today was also the day of her sister's wedding. So, what happened was my friend's sister asked if she would share her special day by having her birthday on her wedding day, she accepted of course so the overall excitment and energy doubled.

First I went to the ceremony which was at a local Hilton, that lasted about 45 minutes and then we headed off to a Chinese restaurant for the reception. It all started out pretty normal, I met some of my friends cousins and her childhood friends and they were all very nice. After, though, things got a little more interesting. After a glass or two of champagne the dancing part began, and yes, it involved the hora. Let me just say, some of the Vietnamese songs they placed seemed pretty normal, some older couples dancing happily, until at least I began to actually listen to the lyrics. One of the songs went pretty much something like "kiss me baby, just kiss me, hold me baby just hold me, even if I pop my top keep lovin me baby" all in a condom-commercial voice; now, maybe that's just my sexually charged teenage brain acting up but that made me go wide eyed for some time. Anyways, the evening was tons of fun, plenty of classic rock and 70s-90s songs were played and I danced more than I normally ever would. Afterwards my friend began to open some of the gifts, she got a necklace, books and such from others. From me, she got a mish mosh surpise gift containing a Borders gift card, a colouring book, crayons, monogrammed post-its, a 3-D dinosaur puzzle, a 15 pack of glow sticks, some Rolos and a package of Swedish fish. We ended up breaking out the glow sticks at the party and we gave a few to the little kids as well, they seemed to enjoy them which means they served their purpose well.

So what's almost nicer than a wedding/birthday? Knowing that there are still two more days off. Thank You Mr. Columbus for giving me a three day weekend!

All the best,

JP

I Can Has Boyfriend?

First, let me begin by giving credit to a group of people who I love more than anyone would ever know- you guys, the readers. Your support and advice has made this entire process so much smoother and memorable than I could ever have imagined. Also, I still can't believe how many followers I have, I was shocked when I had just one, but now at 17, I'm just in a state of shock! Y'all are really the best and I just thought you should know that.

Things have been going smoothly since Tuesday, the world did not stop spinning, the moon didn't implode, the ground did not open up and swallow me whole, no, it's just another school week. A few more of my friends know now, mostly through one of my other friends telling them and they've all been supportive. In other news, things have been pretty smooth lately - I did surprisingly well on a Gov essay I wrote last week and there has been a relative lack of "O My God" moments which is honestly quite a rare occurrence in my group of friends. I have an English timed writing tomorrow on 1984 tomorrow and i have my (hopefully) last SAT II subject test on Saturday. I can't wait until that is finally all done and over with, I'm really tired of these tests, I honestly believe way too much emphasis is placed on the score of a handful of tests.

Homecoming is slowly approaching, two weeks is all that's left before the first major dance of the year. I'm going out to dinner with some friends as I've done all these years, I think we're going to an Italian restaurant this year. Matt's going to Homecoming with another girl from our French class. They've been relatively good friends since last year but when I asked him, he said they were just going as friends. I honestly shouldn't care so much but the fact this this girl waits for Matt outside of class makes me wonder :/ Anyways, this long weekend (thank you Mr Columbus!) looks to be pretty fun apart from the SAT Saturday. I have a birthday party Saturday evening which I still need to buy a gift for and on Sunday it's my grandpa's birthday. Everyone is just gettin older!

Now that I'm finally coming out at school, hopefully I can find myself someone special, namely a boyfriend. I did a little math in a previous post and worked out that there are about 8-9 gay/bi guys in my class. Now, considering I only know of two being out, it makes we really curious who else might be out there, whether I know them or not will probably be the most interesting part. In a perfect world, I'll get a boyfriend by homecoming so I can have someone to walk down the field and dance with, but that will probably not happen. I already wrote on my info sheet that my best friend Maria would be my escort. Also, I finally saw everyone else on the HC court, and like I expected, it's the usual group of jocks, preps, popular jerks and socialites with me on the side. Now, I know some of the people have a loyal following of friends, but my ever so enthusiastic friends are trying their hardest to get me to win this round with a Facebook group and such, we'll see how it all turns out in two weeks.

Care to be my Homecoming date?

All the best,

JP

Coming Out to My Mom

I really shouldn't be blogging when I have so much work to do but I feel this is worth my time and worth sharing. Today I did something I had been too afraid to do for far too long. This afternoon, I came out to my mom. Let me backtrack a little first, I had been trying to think of some way to come out to her for quite some time, for weeks in fact and with my dad out of town, this week seemed to me like a good time to finally do so. I pondered how I would do it, would I just tell her, would I write a letter, or perhaps some other way. In the end, my decision to come out this evening was completely a spontaneous decision I made after waking up form a short nap. As to why I woke and suddenly decided I didn't want to hide my true self from someone who knows me better than anyone else in the world I do not know (maybe it involved the yogurt I ate this afternoon?)but it ended up going down like this- In the end, I realized that if I were to tell my mom outright in conversation, I would stumble my words so much that the message would become simply too complex and she might not get it, making things 10x more difficult in the long run. Who knew two little words could be so hard to say? I decided then to simply write a letter. Written simply on a piece of loose leaf with blue ink, I explained how all I wanted was her acceptance and love and that nothing would change, I was still her son and she was still my mom and that I loved her and hoped she would still feel the same way back (expand that one one page written and in much more eloquent fashion and you'll get the idea.) I placed the letter on the bathroom counter for her to find when she got home and then waited for the longest 15 minutes of my entire life.

I ended up going out and getting the mail after waiting for 10 minutes and lo and behold, my mom arrives home just as I am making my way back from the mailbox. How I didn't just collapse then and there I don't know but we chatted on the way inside and I quietly went back to working on homework while she went upstairs to change. After spending twice as long upstairs as she normally does, she finally comes down. I'm still at my computer typing up a French essay when she comes over a gives me a big kiss and a giant hug. She explained that of course she loves me and always will and that we could talk about it more later on, I began to cry a little and we had a night heart to heart moment right then and there. I ended up going for a walk by myself around the neighborhood afterwards to collect my thoughts but immediately I knew this was probably one of the best decisions of my life. I felt like a massive boulder had finally been lifted from my back and that I could literally walk on forever.

I feel so fortunate to have a mother who is so loving, caring and accepting like she is. I know that things might not return to exact normal for a little while but it was well worth it to finally let someone in my family know. I wouldn't want anyone else to be my mother.

Dreams

Standing at the end of a long hallway, I stared down to see a figure looking at me. I began walking down the long expanse of tile and concrete, the sound of my shoes filling the sterile white-walled and grey tiled space.

As I got closer, I began to jog, faster and faster until I was almost sprinting. The figure at the end of the hall slowly got clearer, it was familiar, all to familiar. His smile was unforgettable, painfully fresh in my mind.

As we reached each other, I grabbed his waist and he grabbed mine, I stared into his eyes as he stared into mine, those beautiful jewel like eyes.

Slowly we got closer and closer, the scent of his breath was intoxicating. As our lips met I felt a feeling of warmth and happiness I had never experienced before. His lips were soft, like the finest silk money could buy, they conformed perfectly to mine and mine to his. I wanted to be there forever in his arms, that one perfect moment, ours, forever.

Then, all went bright. I woke up in my bed, contorted, laying sideways across the entire length of my bed, the sheets and covers half on the floor. The sun was peeking through the small gap in my curtains and I was alone. I felt lost, he was gone, likely never to return.

Ben...

4 Dozen Cookies Later....

Salut tous les mondes!

So I feel a good bit better compared to how I felt last night, time, as well as hot chocolate really does wonders. The reason for my depressed mood for those who are wondering is because of an English exam gone awry, yeah. But today things are looking better, my Calc AB grade jumped 3.5% after I took the test retake and I have an "A" again which always feels good. My day overall was pretty good, Matt has left town for a XC meet so it was a little quieter in general but I got a good bit done, I designed another ad in journalism, this time for a pastry shop in the area (they have the best eclairs ever!) and tomorrow we are having a car wash to raise some funds considering we are still rather broke. In math I came out to another one of my friends, wasn't anything fancy or dramatic, but it was sorta randomly tossed into a conversation to make a story more clear. She sorta just laughed at how randomly I tossed into conversation but she took it with stride. Tomorrow seems to be good weather wise and the threat of rain has seemed to pass so it should be fun. Tomorrow, actually, seems to be turning out to be a rather busy day, I have to get to the car wash at 8 to help set up and then after I finish my shift at 11, I have to go model for one of my friends for an art project at noon. After that I plan to push myself through some rounds of SAT subject test study time and homework and finally capping off the evening with going out to another birthday dinner in my family, I seriously can't remember a weekend which had been this busy in quite a while.

Anyways, I need to bake about 4 dozen cookies for the car wash/bake sale tomorrow which, while fun, will take plenty of time so...

toodles :)

Wishing you a fun filled weekend

All the best,

JP

Mess.

School = not so good.

Life = kind of a mess right now.

When will I get over it? soon, hopefully.


blame it on the perfectionist gene.