Homecoming Part Deux and BFs

I promised I would go into greater detail as to what went on during homecoming so here I go- As I said dinner was good, ableit service being rather on the lethargic side and we arrived at the school around 9:30. For the majority of the dance I was with my crew group and for the most part the music wasn't that good (what's new?) but occasionally a few danceable songs were thrown in. It seemed this year turnout was smaller than in previous years but one thing that was the same was the heat and humidity. Our homecoming is held in the school gym and needless to say an over 40 year old air conditioning and ventilation system is not going to cope well with the amount of heat and sweat of a gym full of moving teenagers. Also, let me just say, what the hell happened to actual dancing at a dance? The majority of the people were in grind trains or were packed so close together you could count how many eyelashes someone has (wtf was that analogy?)Later on in the night people started to leave so things quieted down a bit, the final two songs were Mr. Brightside by The Killers (totally my 8th grade jam) and Don't Stop Belivin' by Journey, a rather strange ending slow dance in my opinion. But overall, this was a pretty cool homecoming, the only thing which could have made it better would have been if I had a date but I'll discuss that later.

Now that I've come out to someone in my family, I'm making an attempt to come out all the way at school. Apart from the dozen or so who already know, I don't think if it has gotten out yet eventhough I've told everyone that I don't really care if people know anymore. While finally almost coming out at school feels great, one thing that I really want/is bothering me is my lack of a boyfriend. As most of you know of my love for someone named Matt, I'm trying to get across to myself that I'm 92% sure he's straight and that this will get nowhere and that I'm wasting my time. Needless to say this is proving to be rather difficult (I've liked him for almost two years now >.<) so maybe I should take things one step at a time and get over him before I make any new moves no matter how long it will take.

The problem is that at my school it's particularly difficult to find any other gay or bi guys mostly because the ones that are out are not who I'm looking for and all the others are either in the closet or I just don't know they exist. My bit of applied statistics in a previous post worked out about 7 or 8 gay/bi guys in my senior class, I forgot whether if I included myself in that or not. Even so, I only know of three gay/bi guys in my class which leaves over half either a mystery to me or are in the closet, all statistically of course. So I'm stuck, really, none of the guys that are out appeal to me and all the others can't be found. I know that maybe I should open up my mind and look at those who I know are out, but even with that things still don't' work.

So, have any advice? Things aren't really in my control but I really want to be in some relationship before high school ends, don't want to sound needy or anything, it's just the truth.

All the best,

JP