Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boyfriend. Show all posts

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Valentines Day, 2015, and Where I've Been

Valentines Day is just around the corner again and for the second year, it looks like I will have someone to actually spend it with. I'm now officially 2 for 22 years which is a solid record for my book, V-Days spent with hookups not withstanding. I've made reservations at the Kennedy Center and if things work out, dessert at Ted's Bulletin is on the agenda. I still don't know what I want to do in terms of a V-Day gift. I think I will make a card for him and see if my crafting skills are in any way near as good as my cooking skills.

Speaking of the BF, unfortunately he was sick earlier this week but since then he's gotten better. I made him a batch of matzah ball soup which I will like to imagine has amazing curative properties, but I'd probably bet my money on the Alka-Seltzer Cold Meds I got for him which kicks Tylenol's ass any day of the week. We've been together now for a few months north of a year, give or take a month or so, and things are going pretty smoothly overall. Yeah, we have out spats and he has his annoying habits, but knowing my own stubbornness and faults, I'd say we're even. He's a special guy and we've made it longer than almost all the other gay couples I know have gone, so three cheers to us and many more to come.

In other boyfriend news, we are.....get ready for this.....house hunting. Yup. He's going to be working in the DC area after he graduates school much like I am currently and we're looking  find a place together. I'm a big fan of Arlington and Court House while he is a huge fan of Dupont and being more down town, but that is a bridge we will have to cross when we get to it. I need to figure out my career path and where I want to go once I hit the one-year mark at my current job and if I want to stay or move to a new company at a new location.

Dupont: So Pretty, So Close to Cobalt, So Expensive....

So how is the job going? Well, it got better and worse in a few ways. Ever since I originally posted about my first real job a few months back in September (Holy Shit, that was September...), I've seen myself kick butt in every quarter I've been in my position. I've blown away all standard metrics and I push myself to reach my stretch goals as well. So by most measures, work has been going pretty well. So why did I say that things are also worse? Well, each passing day just makes me realize that I'm not learning or growing in the job I have. Sure, I can talk about tech like few can and the sales skills I have will probably be useful in some way, but I have hit a plateau in my own knowledge, and it sucks. I hit this plateau many months back. After training and everything concluded, I've applied the things I have known and the methodology I learned in a very cut-paste-repeat sort of way. Sure, sales can be rewarding and the money is definitely good, but there has never been a day where I was actually excited to go into work. I want to be thrilled. I want to wake up and be excited to see what the day has to offer. With each passing day, my enthusiasm wanes, and I've been running near empty for a while now. Probably by the end of the month, I will start looking around for what other options are out there.

So 2015: What's on the Agenda?



Well 2015 is off to a pretty docile start to be honest. Maybe it's because I graduated and "the real world" is inherently less exciting, or maybe it's just because I'm tired of a routine which I find draining and dull. That being said, with the prospect of a new job come June and moving in with the boyfriend, there are many big life changing events in the deck of cards.

I hope to travel this year at some point. Mom and I want to take a week on vacation at some point and a cruise is our go-to option. It would likely be towards Fall or late Summer, but I have zero objections.

So where have I been?

I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but I do hope you guys have been well. I've neglected this blog severely and all I can offer is a few explanations as to why.

1. Twitter - A while back I started getting more involved in Twitter and the convenience of quick, snippy posts and interacting with life minded people really appealed to me. I've made some pretty good friends off of Twitter actually even met a few of the people I met randomly on there in person too. A lot of what I originally funneled here now gets pushed there for convenience's sake.

2. I started a new lifestyle blog which has taken over most of my long-writing efforts and time. It's a cooking and food related blog which has become a pet project of mine. I hope it helps inspire new cooks to break out of their shells and see that cooking does not have to be a scary and confusing endeavor. Unfortunately it links to a number of my private accounts so I won't be linking it here. My apologies.

3. I've become more comfortable talking with my friends. My best friend Maria and I have become even closer in the last few months since I graduated and she moved away to attend law school. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and if anything, our now 18 year friendship only got stronger after we both started on our new adventures. We talk as often as possible, recounting our successes, failures, happy moments, and our pains. We don't bottle things up as much from each other and that has helped me a lot in expressing what otherwise would wear at me.

Balancing all of these things, plus work, plus working out, plus making sure I still make time for my family and my friends has honestly been a struggle. I'm still finessing the balance as I type this and will likely will continue to do so for a while to come. As the handful of you guys who have followed this blog for a few years knows, I really like stability in my life, and uncertainty can throw me for a spin. Once I get my shit sorted, excuse me for the language, I will find a way to make sure I don't neglect things like this blog which I have so much invested so much time into over these past 6 years. I still read every comment, reply whenever appropriate, and catch up with the blogs I follow on here as well. I realized something as I was going through some of my old posts from back in high school earlier this week. For the few of you who still follow this blog and still take time out of your day to read the scribblings of some now 22 year old guy from Virginia whose graduation was chronicled twice in this blog, you have known me longer than many people who I call friends today.

In all honesty, you guys, as loose a connection and however many degrees away we are from each other, are people and friends who I have known and have seen me grow and mature (sorta) for years now. You have given me advice, provided me with support through my tough times, and for that, thank you.

I hope everyone who is reading this has a great weekend and a happy Valentines Day. Even if you are single, take time to treat yourself to a day of relaxation and fun with friends or even just enjoy time with yourself. Love your boyfriend, love your girlfriend, love your friends and family, and love yourself.

All the best,

JP

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Adult Life Part 1: Pre and Post Grad Life, Coming Out, and Training

People don't tell you just how quickly the last month of your college experience moves. Since my last post, I've attended Senior Ball, graduated, came out to my mom's side of the family, and started my first (real) job.

Senior Ball: I knew that if I ever wanted to relive a prom night like experience again in my life, this would likely be one of the last chanced I would have to do so. Naturally, I asked out two people to Senior ball - my boyfriend and my mom. Senior ball isn't a true "prom" but more of a last hurrah with friends, family, tuxedos, ball gowns, and over a dozen open bars. The venue was massive, the variety of music impressive, and meeting everyone's parents was a surreal and fun experience. In a cheesy move, I got boutonnieres for my boyfriend and I to wear. That more than cemented the "Jeez, this is prom" idea for him but we got complimented on them the entire night so point for me.

Graduation: The day after senior ball was graduation. It was a truly beautiful yet bittersweet feeling. The playing of pomp and circumstance, standing in long rows in our black gowns, the flash of hundreds of cameras as we walked to the front of the crowd to our seats and then across the stage to meet the school President and receive symbolic "diploma" (plot twist - it's just paper with a ribbon. Your real diploma is too fancy to roll up like that.). There was a keynote speaker who was decent but didn't say anything out of the ordinary but no hat throwing or beach balls being volleyed around like my last HS graduation. In reality, it was a much more somber and reserved experience. That being said, the fact that I was done with my college career didn't hit me until I received that large diploma in my hand. It was in a large white envelope, unwieldy, and was made with some of the thickest grade paper I've ever held. I'm sure I will have a nice frame for it one day. Until then, it shall remain safe and sound in 

Coming Out: So I didn't personally come out to my mom's side of the family. In reality, one of my cousins did the grunt work for me by telling my aunt and explained to her that I was the same person as I ever was and that I did nothing wrong. My boyfriend was by my side the entire post-graduation reception and none of my family members knew then who he was (I think they thought he was just a friend). Since then though, my entire family on my mom's side has since been told that I was dating a guy and I'm happy to report that nothing has changed. Everyone seems to like the BF and this past summer, he's come over to my house for dinner at least twice a week.

See that? I have one now. (Ewww....adulthood)

Work: Much like how graduation snuck up on me, so did work. I began with a week of training at my office and I am currently in training on the West coast for about a month. The process has taken some time to adjust to but I think I have finally gotten more accustomed to it. Training is every day like a normal work day. We're learning about the company, what we will be doing, the industry we're in, etc. People from offices across the US and from a number of prestigious schools have all come to train together and it's been interesting to see the different personality types each group has developed. Since I began work, I have become very tight with the people from my office. I still have many more weeks to go but so far I've enjoyed my time here.

Before I flew west, I did spend one more weekend with the BF up with his family in New York. It was his niece's 2nd birthday and one of his cousin's graduation party. It was nice being able to meet his family mostly because they're a very diverse bunch with some memorable personalities (in a good way). 

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So I guess things are starting to become even more real now. I have a salary, I have benefits, I'll have my own workspace, I have many new suits now. I'm still unsure about how I feel about it. I don't know just how real I want things to be quite yet. 

I hope things are going well in your neck of the woods.

All the best,

JP

Monday, February 3, 2014

Regret and Hope

It's an odd feeling being a second semester senior. Whenever I've been asked by people about how I feel, I always give the same "bittersweet but excited for what the future holds" response. It is bittersweet knowing a place that I have called home for the last three and a half years will soon be over. I will be leaving with a treasure trove of memories, experiences, knowledge, and friends that I hope to keep for the rest of my life, but I will also be leaving with something else: a sense of regret.

Life always operates by us looking backwards and reflecting on our past. The "what ifs" of my lives will always follow us like a shadow. Looking back, I wonder about what I would have done differently, what I would have tried sooner, what I would have not tried at all, and what I would things be like if I just decided to talk to this group versus that  the first days I arrived on campus. I wonder about what things might have been like if I said "hi" to my boyfriend when I first met him over two years ago instead of just getting to know him better within the last year like I did. I wonder about how things would be different if I just got more involved in a club more. 

I regret having burned some bridges while I was here. If I could go back and stopped myself from ever doing what I did, I would. Many of these bridges have been mended, but many no longer remain.

For all my regrets and "what ifs", I am hopeful for what the future holds. I recently received an offer from a company that I really like for a job that would have me doing something that I love. I would also be able to stay in the DC area which was one of my top criteria when looking for jobs. I'm pretty sure I'm going to accept the offer once I figure out some last details. 

My boyfriend and I are still together and it feels like each day I care about him more and more. He's had a positive effect on my life that very few people ever have. He makes me laugh, he makes me think, he challenges my thoughts, and he makes me happy. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I feel like the luckiest man in the world.

I'm thankful for what I have and where I am right now. I'm not just content with the world and myself like I usually am, I'm legitimately happy. 

All the best,

JP

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Homecoming Part Deux and BFs

I promised I would go into greater detail as to what went on during homecoming so here I go- As I said dinner was good, ableit service being rather on the lethargic side and we arrived at the school around 9:30. For the majority of the dance I was with my crew group and for the most part the music wasn't that good (what's new?) but occasionally a few danceable songs were thrown in. It seemed this year turnout was smaller than in previous years but one thing that was the same was the heat and humidity. Our homecoming is held in the school gym and needless to say an over 40 year old air conditioning and ventilation system is not going to cope well with the amount of heat and sweat of a gym full of moving teenagers. Also, let me just say, what the hell happened to actual dancing at a dance? The majority of the people were in grind trains or were packed so close together you could count how many eyelashes someone has (wtf was that analogy?)Later on in the night people started to leave so things quieted down a bit, the final two songs were Mr. Brightside by The Killers (totally my 8th grade jam) and Don't Stop Belivin' by Journey, a rather strange ending slow dance in my opinion. But overall, this was a pretty cool homecoming, the only thing which could have made it better would have been if I had a date but I'll discuss that later.

Now that I've come out to someone in my family, I'm making an attempt to come out all the way at school. Apart from the dozen or so who already know, I don't think if it has gotten out yet eventhough I've told everyone that I don't really care if people know anymore. While finally almost coming out at school feels great, one thing that I really want/is bothering me is my lack of a boyfriend. As most of you know of my love for someone named Matt, I'm trying to get across to myself that I'm 92% sure he's straight and that this will get nowhere and that I'm wasting my time. Needless to say this is proving to be rather difficult (I've liked him for almost two years now >.<) so maybe I should take things one step at a time and get over him before I make any new moves no matter how long it will take.

The problem is that at my school it's particularly difficult to find any other gay or bi guys mostly because the ones that are out are not who I'm looking for and all the others are either in the closet or I just don't know they exist. My bit of applied statistics in a previous post worked out about 7 or 8 gay/bi guys in my senior class, I forgot whether if I included myself in that or not. Even so, I only know of three gay/bi guys in my class which leaves over half either a mystery to me or are in the closet, all statistically of course. So I'm stuck, really, none of the guys that are out appeal to me and all the others can't be found. I know that maybe I should open up my mind and look at those who I know are out, but even with that things still don't' work.

So, have any advice? Things aren't really in my control but I really want to be in some relationship before high school ends, don't want to sound needy or anything, it's just the truth.

All the best,

JP