Coming Out to My Mom

I really shouldn't be blogging when I have so much work to do but I feel this is worth my time and worth sharing. Today I did something I had been too afraid to do for far too long. This afternoon, I came out to my mom. Let me backtrack a little first, I had been trying to think of some way to come out to her for quite some time, for weeks in fact and with my dad out of town, this week seemed to me like a good time to finally do so. I pondered how I would do it, would I just tell her, would I write a letter, or perhaps some other way. In the end, my decision to come out this evening was completely a spontaneous decision I made after waking up form a short nap. As to why I woke and suddenly decided I didn't want to hide my true self from someone who knows me better than anyone else in the world I do not know (maybe it involved the yogurt I ate this afternoon?)but it ended up going down like this- In the end, I realized that if I were to tell my mom outright in conversation, I would stumble my words so much that the message would become simply too complex and she might not get it, making things 10x more difficult in the long run. Who knew two little words could be so hard to say? I decided then to simply write a letter. Written simply on a piece of loose leaf with blue ink, I explained how all I wanted was her acceptance and love and that nothing would change, I was still her son and she was still my mom and that I loved her and hoped she would still feel the same way back (expand that one one page written and in much more eloquent fashion and you'll get the idea.) I placed the letter on the bathroom counter for her to find when she got home and then waited for the longest 15 minutes of my entire life.

I ended up going out and getting the mail after waiting for 10 minutes and lo and behold, my mom arrives home just as I am making my way back from the mailbox. How I didn't just collapse then and there I don't know but we chatted on the way inside and I quietly went back to working on homework while she went upstairs to change. After spending twice as long upstairs as she normally does, she finally comes down. I'm still at my computer typing up a French essay when she comes over a gives me a big kiss and a giant hug. She explained that of course she loves me and always will and that we could talk about it more later on, I began to cry a little and we had a night heart to heart moment right then and there. I ended up going for a walk by myself around the neighborhood afterwards to collect my thoughts but immediately I knew this was probably one of the best decisions of my life. I felt like a massive boulder had finally been lifted from my back and that I could literally walk on forever.

I feel so fortunate to have a mother who is so loving, caring and accepting like she is. I know that things might not return to exact normal for a little while but it was well worth it to finally let someone in my family know. I wouldn't want anyone else to be my mother.