Ben: Revisited

So back in the summer of 2009 I went on vacation with my family on a cruise where I met a guy named Ben. During this period I had yet to come out, but being the 16 year old self I was, I found Ben to be quite attractive and we spent a healthy amount of time together. We hung out, ice skated together and the fun stuff 16 year olds do while on vacation and then we went our separate ways. I had a small crush on him and after coming home I added him on Facebook. In the years since, I'd occasionally see what he's been up to via FB updates but not much more than that. If you want to read more, he has a brief bio on the sidebar.

Anyways, I made a few predictions back in 2009 about where we would be headed and some ended up coming true. He ended up going to an Ivy League school and appears to be doing well for himself. What recently caught my attention however was that he went to an LGBT event for Ivy-League schools. I should recap that back in 2009 I got the feeling that he was indeed gay despite the actual uselessness of my gaydar. Something tipped me off during that one-week span but ultimately I was left in the dark for these past few years. Well, after some light Facebook stalking I think that he is in fact gay or at least bi. The reason I found this funny for so many reasons is that now I want to know if some of my other hunches during high school were also true, people like Matt, my high school crush, and Southern Charm, my crew teammate crush. It really has me thinking. I hope that my gaydar isn't set on some permanent 3-year delay which will put a serious damper on my already crappy love life.

I haven't spoken to Ben in the years since but nevertheless, I'm glad to see that things seem to be working out well for him. That was actually one of the best weeks of my life reflecting on the experience. It was the summer before my senior year of high school and things were really going well at that point. It was fun and simple and feels so far away from where I am now. I think I'm going to browse around some of my old posts now and see what things I have since forgotten. This is why I love blogging, it's like a time capsule into my life.

Anyways, I'm headed back in to DC tomorrow with Ms. X and a few other friends for a day of restaurant hopping, museum visiting, and general wandering about. It looks like it might snow or rain tomorrow which I hope won't mess with our plans too much.

All the best,

JP

Dreams

Standing at the end of a long hallway, I stared down to see a figure looking at me. I began walking down the long expanse of tile and concrete, the sound of my shoes filling the sterile white-walled and grey tiled space.

As I got closer, I began to jog, faster and faster until I was almost sprinting. The figure at the end of the hall slowly got clearer, it was familiar, all to familiar. His smile was unforgettable, painfully fresh in my mind.

As we reached each other, I grabbed his waist and he grabbed mine, I stared into his eyes as he stared into mine, those beautiful jewel like eyes.

Slowly we got closer and closer, the scent of his breath was intoxicating. As our lips met I felt a feeling of warmth and happiness I had never experienced before. His lips were soft, like the finest silk money could buy, they conformed perfectly to mine and mine to his. I wanted to be there forever in his arms, that one perfect moment, ours, forever.

Then, all went bright. I woke up in my bed, contorted, laying sideways across the entire length of my bed, the sheets and covers half on the floor. The sun was peeking through the small gap in my curtains and I was alone. I felt lost, he was gone, likely never to return.

Ben...

"Get This Fruit Off My Freaking Pizza!"

So today was another exciting day at newspaper....no, exciting is the wrong word, mind numbing, yes, mind numbing day at newspaper. So today was the new teacher induction ceremony at my high school which explained why when I arrived at 9 this morning the entire school, even the main office was completely empty. We had a few teachers who retired last year, some have been at the school for over 20 years and now I guess their replacements have arrived, but anyways, back to newspaper. Not too much really happened today, we got another contract done today which brought in another $500+ which is nice, unfortunately, we need to raise about $2,000 worth of ads per issue and currently we are at only about $660. Businesses aren't quite as lavish when it comes to advertising expenses as in previous years due to the recent recession and placing an ad in a school newsmagazine might not seem to be the wisest choice considering the many other more prestigious outlets out there. So yeah, for now at least, the business manager job I hold with my partner Sarah is rather dull and repetitive with a cycle of calls, emails and letters, 97% of which go unanswered in the end :/

Later on, the day did get better though at 1 when we got lunch, we ordered a cheese and pineapple pizza and our teacher/advisor kept banging on how the fake Hawaiian pizza (sans Canadian bacon) left much to be desired and how we were now forbidden to order pizza again. Our teacher, let's call him Mr. Jones is a really entertaining person to work with, for example, the day icebreakers for the new staffers involved a "goblet of fire" and a hula hoop challenge. The challenge was that you had to be able to hula for 15 seconds and if you did you got to choose a prize. Prizes included an ipod shuffle or a free yearbook ($79!!!). Mr. Jones is openly gay also which makes him that much cooler. One mystery for me though is apparently he has a "spice dance" which is playing off the spice girls which I might be able to see one day on a journalism trip to a competition later this year. needless to say, I can't wait to see this. Finally I had a nice conversation with Matt today, he's the guy I've liked since last October, he's also in Newspaper and runs XC. Apparently he was at the XC car wash who competed against us this past weekend, I should of tried and sold some of our baked goods to them haha. He writes for the sports section this year I've learned.

Afterward I went out to lunch with Maria, kind of late to be honest as we didn't have lunch until 3. We went to California Pizza Kitchen and we ordered a pear and gorgonzola pizza to share, hmmmm. It was different to say the least, I approve of the mix of sweet and savoury but the gorgonzola was a bit strong for my taste. Afterwards we walked around the mall for a bit but I really wanted to be outside, the weather here has been amazing and it will continue for the rest of the week. Today it was a high of 77, mostly sunny and breezy with low humidity, how is this August!? As this will continue for the week, I would like to thank mother nature for making this final week of summer meteorologically enjoyable.

Also, today's Ben's birthday - so Happy Birthday to You Mate, wishing you many more happy and memory filled years to come.

This song has been stuck in my head for about 3 days

FML

Four things happened today.

1. I got a surprise text yesterday telling me that I had to go in to school today to work on getting advertising clients as part of my business manager position in journalism. I did not notice said text until 9:30 this morning because my phone was off the night before, I was supposed to be there at 9.

2. We (meaning me and my business co-position holder Sarah) did not get lunch during our surprise meeting for the first time. I essentially worked my ass off for 6 hours while running on a small bowl of frosted flakes I hastily downed this morning after getting the text.

3. I accidentally brought home a set of keys which I shouldn't have because neither me nor my teacher remembered the detail of returning the set until after I got home an hour later. As it turned out, one of the keys apparently is a master key to all the locks both inside and out in the entire school; so, I got a pleasant surprise 2 mile round trip run to school in prime time summer heat.

4. I friended Ben on facebook today, he accepted, but like what happens every time for me, he's straight. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go read two post back titled "A Week of Sun, Sea, Sand, and Ben". Now, this would be all fine and normal except for the fact that I sorta hit on him during my little holiday, and I don't know how subtle I was or if he picked up on it in any way or form. Needless to say, I feel really awkward and also really bad for any discomfort I might of caused him during his holiday.

Life's a mess right now, and school starts in less than two weeks.

FML

A Week of Sun, Sea, Sand, and Ben.

All good things have to come to an end, including a week on a massive ship with thousands of other people, but over the course of this one week, I've come to realize a lot of things about myself and about how we as people and especially teenagers act. I've met a lot of people during this past week on the Freedom of the Seas, people from near where I live in DC and also people from across the pond in England, but the one thing that I've realized most clearly is that no matter where you are from, we are very clique-y. It was apparent the first night, there was the group of Brits in one corner, the West-Coasters on one other corner and the New Yorkers in their own little group, and even by the end, not much had changed but people intermingled and we had quite a good time together. Even I, not exactly the most extroverted individual made quite a good amount of new friends which I will talk more about in a minute. But yeah, the cruise was fun, it involved a lot of food, entertainment and some fun times at the various ports. One thing I will definitely remember though will be jet skiing for the first time in Labadee, Haiti. if you have never driven or ridden on a wave runner before, try it out the next time you can since that was probably one of the most intense things I have ever done in my life (130 HP in something that weighs as much as a postage stamp is hella fun). But mostly I'll miss the amazing people I got to spend one week at sea with. This was a pretty super vague account of my vacation so i might go into greater detail later but I'm exhausted right now and full of southern comfort food as I overnight here in South Carolina with is really taking a toll on my focus.

While all the activities and fun stuff I was involved in will be remembered, if there is one thing I will remember the most, it would be of a guy I met on the first day named Ben. Ben was a quirky person, as cute as he was smart, he lives in New Jersey and went on the cruise with 15 other people from his family. We met on the first night when we departed from Port Canaveral when me, him and a girl named Sarah went off on a walk to explore and familiarize ourselves with the ship but it would not be until the second day that we would get to talking more and getting to know each other a bit better, needless to say, it was by day two that I really started to like him. He runs cross country and does track and plays field hockey because all of his friends do and once "accidentally scored a goal". He took French for three years and this next year said he would be taking 5 AP courses which is impressive by any standard. He's trying to get into UPenn much like me yet he has two generations of legacy there so he has a very good chance of getting in. How did I learn all of this? well, Ice skating of course. There's an ice skating rink on board the ship and it was during a special teens-only skating session where we went around and around talking about school and whatever. For the rest of the cruise we would end up seeing each other and hang out from time to time. The last day I got to see him was at a party on day six, we talked for quite a while that evening, neither of us were ones to really dance. In the end the last time I would see him would be when he went to go get a drink, he didn't show up at the email/facebook exchange the next day or at the final party at the Fuel nightclub. Unless someone did get his contact info then, he will will forever only live on in my mind, shame really, he was one of the nicest people I met all cruise. Was he gay? I don't know, he did dress surprisingly well and sported a v-neck or two and his voice and laugh made a blip on my gaydar, but judging on this would be all based on stereotype which i personally dislike, I guess this too will always be a mystery. I hate mysteries. -.-

Anyways, there only remains two weeks of summer left before I have to go back to school for my senior year and I still have some English, history and all of of French summer work to finish. Needless to say, I hate busywork, it's pointless and does not do any of the reinforcing teachers claim it does in the end and in the end just provides some drudgery and torture during the supposedly relaxing summer months.

-I'll probably post some pictures when I get back home so hang tight for those. And also, in case you have read my earlier posts from a week ago, I never did go do the flowrider thing :/, o well, there's always Hershey Park a few hours away if I ever feel the urge.

-Also, I really miss my bed. Long vacations always do this to me, for the past 10 days I've slept on either a sofa bed or on a tri-fold bunk bed that retracts into the ceiling (cool to look at, a pain to get in to), so when I finally get to curl up in my own bed and the familiar covers and surroundings, I will finally be able to rest well again.