Delilah

You know that you're in need of comfort when you listen to The Delilah Show on the radio while doing homework...

Funny thing is, listening to her show is sort of a calming thing for me since I grew up listening to her on 97.1 WASH-FM during those night time car rides between my mom and dad's house. She was like some invisible aunt who was always calm, collected and had that comforting "everything will be okay" voice that made my problems disappear. Well, now that it's midterms time coupled with the stress of keeping my shit together with clubs and such, I'm actually kind of glad to be listening to her and the sappy love songs she plays.

Cheers to you, Aunt Delilah, keeping this now college student sane since the mid-nineties.

JP

www.delilah.com

Q&A Answers

-Do you think you would accept a life partner right now if the right guy showed up or do you want more experience?
 -I don't know honestly. If by "right now" you mean that someone comes out of nowhere and I am infatuated with him I would say no because I know things and relationships at this point in my life are so fleeting. I would say that if I do meet someone and we end up dating for a while (a couple of years "a while") then maybe. That's a bit far in the future, I still haven't had a boyfriend yet so I'll take things one step at a time haha.


-Any trustworthy friends at university you can confide in?
-I do have a few friends I do confide in at school. My go-to will always be my friend Maria even though she goes to school in a different state. Here in D.C. though, I have a small group I can talk to. My friend Jackie is very friendly, open and understanding so I confide a fair amount of things to her. Same goes for her roommate and our mutual friend Kate. I also have my friend Liz who I am very close with and have talked to about many things in the past.


-Favourite exercise?
-I'm a big erg fan. It's more of a love-hate relationship because it kicks my ass every time I use it but that's because I make it a purpose to make my erg workout on the tough side. It's probably the one biggest take away from my rowing days. Plus, I'm one of the few people who actually know how to use it which is nice.

What course do you do and what job are you intending to grab later on after it?
-I'm in the business school at my university so as of now, I'm taking Managerial Accounting and Management and Organizational Behavior. During my freshman year I took Financial Accounting, International Business and Operations and Info Management. I've also been fulfilling my Liberal Arts requirements (Psych, Sociology, English, Philosophy, Theology etc) and I'm taking German right now as well. Starting next semester/next school year, my courses will be focused on my majors which I think will be Finance and International Business with a possible minor in Psychology or Sociology. I have to declare by the end of my Spring semester so I need to decide quick haha.

Where'd the blog name come from/ howd you pick up french?
-I started French in middle school and took it until the end of the high school, so about 5 years. I started this blog back when I was still in high school and I thought a French title would be kinda fun and quirky. The title translates to "A Complicated Life" which I think reflects my life as a gay student trying to figure out his place in the world.

Do you play any games ?
-I don't know if you mean like video games or sports but I do a little of both. I'm a sucker for older games so I still play Pokémon online (the original red/blue and yellow versions) and stuff on my GameCube like Super Smash Brothers Melee, Luigi's Mansion, Mario Kart and Soul Calibur.
Occasionally I'll dive into FPS games like Halo or Call of Duty.

As for sports, I tried out sculling this past summer and I plan to get a permit to scull over the summer from the local boat house. Otherwise, I enjoy rock climbing, bowling (it's a sport!) and I want to try out archery again.

Thanks for the questions guys. If you have any more please ask away.

If you're on the East Coast, stay warm and stay safe. We're getting a few flurries here in DC but I know those of you a little further from the coast are supposed to be getting quite a bit of the white stuff.

All the best,

JP

Philosophy Classes

Philosophy Courses suck. Just thought that I should throw that out there. I'm pretty people who end up majoring in philosophy end up being philosophy professors themselves and thus it's just a circular, self-perpetuating system that perpetuates a subject that just won't die like some creepy ass cockroach.

Sure, some find it interesting, but I, for better or worse, am not one of those people. Will I ever apply the meaning of Diotyma's Ladder of Love from Plato's Symposium or what Chisholm, Hume, Locke, Shoemaker or whoever else had way too much time on their hands think about personal identity in real life? No. Sure, I could whip out a random fact at some party but that would instantly label me as the official party douche so even if I really, really wanted to, which I never will if I haven't been clear enough so far, I would stop myself from ruining the perfectly happy and probably drunken elated state of my friends with worthless ponderings.

For those who plan on becoming philosophy majors or are philosophy majors, hey, more power to you, but for me, I'd rather be taking something relevant to what actually matters to me rather than be required to take classes that either a. bore me to death, b. frustrate me, or c. make me wonder why someone would provide an answer to a question that never needed to be asked in the first place.

GAH!

JP

P.S. - Thanks for the questions, I'll be answering them in a post soon, I promise.

Ask Me Anything

So I've realized I've never really done anything that truly let you guys, the readers, gain a little more insight as to who I am. Sure, I've done a few "About Me" posts and I can only imagine the conclusions you've drawn about me through reading my digital scribblings, but I want to know what you've possibly wondered about me.


Musical Non-sequitor alert! Nada Surf - Blonde on Blonde (Listen to it, it's a good song)

Well, that is going to change. I want you guys to ask me some questions. Anything and everything is up for grabs, including, but not limited to things about my personal life, what I like and don't like and my future plans.

I want to make this blog more fun so in the comments section leave your questions and I'll answer them in the near future.

Surprise me and tickle my mind with just how creative you can be.

Let's see what you've got,

JP

Note: I won't compromise the confidentiality of anyone mentioned in this blog including myself so other than that, you're good to go.

Scary Shit

And hell week numbers two and three have begun. I have a German paper due, my German midterm, my Management and Organizational Behavior midterm, my Philosophy midterm and my second Managerial Accounting midterm in the next 10 days.

Plus, now with the last theater festival I was working on done, I have to dive head first into doing publicity for the next show- The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Auditions begin in two weeks and guess who will be designing the flyers and organizing shit all over again? This fella.

Fucking A, someone get me an IV and hook it up to an espresso maker, it's going to be a rough couple of days.

How do you deal with stress?

All the best,

JP

It's not you, it's me

I've been in the emergency room twice in the past day, not for myself, but because of others. Today, to say the least, will be a memorable one, and not necessarily for the best reasons. I got up at 6:45 after a call from my aunt telling me my mom was hospitalized after having chest pains the night prior. It terrified me and I was with her until almost 4PM at that point. She's okay now and has been discharged from the hospital but things still left me rather shaken up.

Tonight was the "End of Show" party for the theater production I've been doing publicity for. Things were fun for the most part; it was crowded, hot and full of unwarranted affection (both friendly and less appropriate) but tonight will probably go down in my memory, or at least in this written form, as the night I got my first true rejection in a long while. Dorky-cute theater freshman and I had to call campus emergency medical services on a girl after the party tonight. She had wayyy to much to drink, was stumbling everywhere and we had to essentially carry her back to her dorm. By the time we got there, I made to decision to call the med service on her to get them to check her out. In the end, they took her to the ER where she is passed out tonight. While me and dorky cute freshman were waiting for her in the waiting room, we got to talking. Things quickly turned to our love lives and what we've done, if we'd had met people on campus and more in general.

During our talks, I had the slightest feeling of hope, the slightest feeling that maybe, just maybe, me and him had a connection. Maybe it was the many looks we exchanged or just how comfortable the conversation was between us; it was amazing. Then I learned two facts, that creeper guy from my previous posts that won't leave me alone was trying to get with him, and that he had the hots for the roommate of a guy who has been hitting on me but just really isn't my type. He talked about how they were both really shy around each other and how he thinks the roommate likes him back and it was cute and uncomfortable at the same time. We also talked about creeper and I kept telling him I felt that something was off about him (which I do feel honestly). We kinda volleyed back and forth conversation for about half a hour until finally, one of the med service people came up to us.

We were told that we could go back to our rooms and that our friend would be okay, we got to talking on the way back. I told him he should try out for the next play we were putting on while he tried to figure out what song he would use. The topic of creeper came back up and eventually he said that I really should tell him what I'd been withholding from him whether or now it had to do with creeper. At this point, the dialog went almost movie like.

As we approached his dorm, I finally eeped out what I had been holding in the whole time.

"I really don't want things to be awkward"

"Why, what do you mean?"

"Dorky cute freshman, you're really cute and sweet, and I kinda like you"

"I'm really flattered JP, but I just don't feel the same way in that sense about our friendship"

"I know" I said, bummed

We hugged at this point and we parted ways to go back to our respective dorms.

Needless to say, it hurt. I had been hoping, after this long night of helping a drunken freshman girl back to her dorm, calling in an ambulance and medical services to her and waiting in an ER for almost an hour would produce some good, but in the end it didn't work out quite that way. Needless to say, words cannot convey the level of emotion that was present when we exchanged those brief sentences but it was really nerveracking for me. I hoped something amazing would come out of this, but alas, the world just had different plans.

That's actually a lie though, if I didn't turn back and decide to help dorky-cute freshman bring the drunken friend back to her dorm (and by that I mean carry), she very well could have ended up being in very, very bad shape. You know what, maybe that's just how things were meant to turn out. Maybe me and dorky-cute freshman were just not meant to be. What matters in the end us that in spite of all my petty personal problems, someone I cared about was safe and sound in the end. Maybe I'll get karma point for this, who knows.

Man, I never realized how much rejection actually hurts. I get the distinct impression that right now, at this very moment at 4:48 AM, I still am not realizing or feeling the full extent of this pain, that tomorrow morning, I will understand things more. I'm tired, still kinda of drunk and honestly disillusioned from everything that transpired today. I really should have gone to bed a hour ago but I really wanted to get this down before I fell asleep.

Dorky-cute freshman was a really nice guy, sure, I will probably end up seeing him around campus in the future but I guess he'll always be special in a strange way. He wasn't my first rejection, but something about what happened tonight will make this memorable. I definitely want to stay friends with him, he's a wonderful guy and I truly hope we will stay in touch even after the show ends. I just wonder now how long it will take for me to get over him.

All the best,

JP

Memories

Sometimes I wonder how things would be different if I had the courage to say what I wanted to say way back when. Thing like,
"I really like you, Southern, I really like you"

"You really shouldn't be with him, you're better than that and deserve someone who appreciates that"

"Stop trying to be someone you're not, that mask you're wearing isn't making you feel any better, and it's hurting you"

"Matt, Je t'aime"

"Your support made me into the man I am today, thank you"

"You really will change the world, whether you know it or not, you're destined to do great things and touch more lives than you will ever be able to count"

"No."

I guess I will never be able to find out what could have been. Going through life is like working your way back up a family tree, every five seconds reaching another fork, having to decide which way to go, each path taking you into radically different worlds. The power of words has never been fully appreciated I think. It still shocks me how a simple word of encouragement or denial can change how one sees the world. Maybe one day I will get that second chance to say what I wanted to all those years ago and see what could have been and maybe still can be.

Be bold, be proud, and live in the here and now; you never know what the future has in store for you. Live each day as if it were your last.

All the best,

JP

Rant

Sorry, it's time to rant. It's been far too long since I've had some way to express the hidden frustrations I've been harbouring so here we go.

-begin rant-

You're a douche, I thought you should know that. I don't give a fuck that your father is some high up in a major corporation or that you fly around the world every few weeks. I don't care about your thoughts or views on a subject you obviously don't have any expertise in let alone any relevant link to. I don't care that you've met J Lo, P Diddy, Tiger Woods or whoever else. Your blatant disrespect towards others and need to go against the grain just for the sake of going against the grain is not appreciated just like your need to slam doors whenever you leave a room. You honestly don't deserve so many of the things that have been given to you. You don't deserve the amount of tolerance we've been giving to you and your your mannerisms; if it were me, you would have been kicked out of the group last fall.

One day you will get everything that the world has waiting for you in one sweep. I hope it knocks you off your perch and leaves you dazed and confused because you've had it coming to you for far too long, and let's face it, karma is a bitch.

-end rant-

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. Midterms are here and I've been just filled to the brim with work. Once Columbus day weekend rolls around I'll be better and I'll start trying to write more regularly.

All the best,

JP