Earlier this afternoon I wrote a post about how things never seem to work out for me- My own personal issues, the loss of friends, the family drama that I’ve tried to escape but always find myself getting back in to no matter what I try to do to hide from it all. I wrote it and then deleted it without posting it.The past few days have been rough. I’d be lying if I said I’ve been happy or even content with what has been going on but I’m trying to change that all starting now. Sometimes the best way to feel better is to just get away from what’s causing you the problems. It seems childish to run away and hide but sometimes it makes sense. I’ve tried going home to get this sense of escape and it does help, but only for so long. As long as I stay on campus I will always be surrounded by or reminded of what’s been causing me stress and anxiety. Before heading off to Theology, I went for a walk in the neighborhoods surrounding the campus. The brick sidewalks and golden trees served to remind me of a simpler life. The quiet suburbia where everyone knows who you are, and just being surrounded by people you would go out of your way to help in a time of need.
It was on this walk that I found a small park. Tucked away among the cobblestone streets and barely larger than one square block, it would easily be overlooked by the casual walker-by; yet, I kept it in mind as I made my way back to campus to go to class. That class is now over and I find myself back here in that very park.
The sun is starting to set and the air is cooling. Dog owners have brought their companions and set them free to run and play with their four-legged comrades. A cluster of birds in the tall bushes next to me are chirping their merry song. They complement the gleeful barking in the field in front of me. Two people are playing tennis in the courts to my left, absorbed by their game.
A woman has brought what looks like a miniature corgi into the field where my picnic table stands. It’s an energetic little thing, turning on a dime to retrieve a tennis ball. Just now, a golden retriever just stole the corgi’s ball and a chase has begun, the pair has now been joined by a black lab. The scene is too ideal to be real. It’s too perfect, I feel like I’m in some photo shoot for DC Living Magazine.
I think I’ve found a place to unwind. Somewhere to escape whenever I need to. Maybe I don’t need all the fanfare of going home but rather just have somewhere I can just be by myself and think, somewhere I can type and let my ideas flow free rather than keeping them bottled up. I love it here, why didn’t I find this place sooner?
There is still much to attend to once I get back to campus and even more to attend to back at home. Mom’s upset because of Dad, I’m waiting to hear about funeral arrangements for my friend, my friend Cristina has come down from New York upon hearing the news yesterday and we plan to meet tomorrow.
I’m going home again this weekend. I’m leaving tomorrow and coming back Sunday afternoon. I don’t care about partying, going out to another overpriced dinner or anything like that. I don’t feel like drowning my problems in a sea of beer and cheap vodka. I can find happiness in other places.
I’m going to get drunk off the company of my friends. I’ll get high off consoling those who have been hurt by everything that has been going on. I will get high off being the listening ear for those who just need someone to talk to. I will be happy just being me. Maybe some will see me as overbearing or overly concerned but screw them. I’ve tried to change for you all but it’s in built in me and always will be. If you can’t accept me for who I am you don’t deserve my trust or my friendship.
More dogs have joined in the merrymaking in the field ahead. Their barks now overwhelm the quieting chatter of the birds in the bush next to me. It’s gotten colder, and slowly the night is creeping in. Why didn’t I find this place sooner?
I will have to leave soon; the park closes at dusk and soon the sky will no longer be the gradiated shades of orange it is now. Life has ways of surprising you. Little pockets of calm can be found even in the most chaotic of places. I plan to come back here many times in the future. Just me, my laptop and my music, putting my thoughts, emotions and ideas into words rather than keeping them bottled up in my mind.
For the first time in a while I’m content, and it feels good.
JP
A nice and heart-felt post JP. I often hop on my freeride bike and pedal to some out-of-the-way places just for the peace of nature (and get a good work-out too). At my age I do remember the simpler times of the 50's and 60's; do you ever think that this digital age of video games, Ipods, cells and texting, facebook, twitter etc is just too much sometimes? So time consuming! (even checking a few blogs in the evening takes a surprising amount of time!) It separates us from nature too much. My happiest memories are of hanging outside with my friends with complete freedom and privacy; no ball-and-chain cells.
ReplyDelete-Maybe you are making things too complicated; your mother and father must settle their own issues; your job is to focus on your education. The mourning for your friend will ease in time. Enjoy your friends; you should be flattered that they confide their issues with you. Btw have some drinks when having a good time partying, not for drowning your problems cos that is the road to alcoholism. Do keep your eyes open for that guy at the university who can first be your close friend, then maybe it can develope into something more. Put things in perspective and manage them logically. bfn - Wayne :) (make sure that park is safe; you don't want some druggie needing a fix mugging you!)
Autumn always brings that sense of nostalgia and serenity, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to think if I know the park you mean. But anyway, it's great that you found it. And I think your outlook on things is basically good. Look beyond the things that cause discomfort. Get away for a while when you can. And enjoy everything that is good.
ReplyDelete(And yay for not drowning your sorrows in beer and vodka. There are way too many kids who think that getting drunk every weekend is one of the things they should be doing while they're in college.)