360

I feel like I’m running in circles. Every time I feel like I’ve gone so far I end up arriving back where I started, that I’m not making the kind of progress in my life that I had hoped. My only comfort is knowing that it’s Wednesday and that there are only two more days before the weekend. Maria is coming up this weekend and we’re definitely getting together to hang out. She’s been terribly homesick and I’ve been needing to get away for some time now so I can’t wait until we can finally see each other again and just have another one of our dates.

I don’t know why I feel like I’m stuck in place. I guess I’m just stuck in this routine of wake up, go to class, eat, gym (maybe) and work and then sleep. Sure, the weekends are fun, but even going to parties is losing its charm. I think what I want is a different kind of weekend, not a massive group outing but an intimate outing. That’s why I’m looking forward to going out with Maria, I can finally talk about everything, and everything in its purest form, not some diluted, disguised version I sometimes spurt out just to satisfy the curious ears who occasionally stop by. But what do I do when Maria isn’t here? I still crave those easy going weekend nights. I want to find someone so badly. Many of my friends say I’m a nice guy and all that jazz but that doesn’t get you far. Really, “nice guys finish last” has quite a bit of truth behind it. While a random fling might be fun, you end up wanting more than that in the end.

I wish I was more assertive and extroverted.

I wish I could stop whining about this.

God I’m horny.

I need something to occupy my time that is not school work for once. I should find somewhere to volunteer, join more clubs, get a job, something to add some Jackson Pollack style fun and whimsy to my life. Going to the gym has helped somewhat, I mean, it’s a great way to release excess energy and plus I can get back into shape again; I miss my old rowing season body haha but I digress.

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Yesterday was Election Day and I voted for the first time in my district’s election. Unfortunately there were some equipment issues at some of the precincts so the results are still not in, all I know is that there are less than 500 votes separating the two candidates. I spent all night trying to get work done but I ended up watching the TV for results as they came in. Mark and his friends were in the common room and they were arguing/discussing back and forth all night which was distracting but I tried my best to drown them out. The republicans have regained control of the House and the democrats still hold the Senate so I foresee much gridlock in the future.

Speaking of Mark, Maudry told me that he’s going to come out soon, apparently first to close friends, then to his roommate which will then diffuse from there. Good for him.

I found out today that I have two major papers, a presentation and a major exam all on the same day in about two weeks. I’m fucked.

The weekend cannot come any sooner.

All the best,

JP

P.S.- Has anyone noticed the recent influx of feel-good anthems lately? I mean there's Katy Perry with Firework, Bruno Mars with Just the Way You Are, Ke$ha with We R Who We R and P!nk with Raise Your Glass. hmmmm, strange.