Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
I met with the head of the LGBTQ center on campus and I'm working on getting a permanent recurring position at the center. I don’t qualify for Federal Work-Study so I won’t be paid but I will now at least have something to do and have the ability to have more of an impact on campus. Plus, I’ll be able to meet some new people as a result. The head is such a nice person, I met her during new student orientation and we chatted about classes and other things I was interested in for a while.
I talked to my friend Liz this morning over bagels and coffee about my situation with Mark and got her opinion of what I should do. I told her about Mark and me, which she already had an inkling about, and my worries that it could be October and November all over again if things go awry. She thinks that Mark’s not a committing type and is still very much “lofty” and on a guy-to-guy basis now. I definately see that point and is the reason I both her, Maria and now increasingly I think I should just end things with Mark before things have the chance to get bad, even if that does mean not even keeping it casual. I still want to be friends though. Liz and Maria don't want to see me hurt, and I really appreciate that from both of them.
After the mess at home, finding out yesterday one of my friend’s tried to commit suicide two days ago and the Mark conundrum, I need to limit the things that will weigh me down and keep me from keeping up with the fast-paced pack. I don’t know what I’ll do about Mark though, I still want to be friends but things are so shaky between us that I don’t know where I want to go. The battle between heart and mind is still raging and probably will for a while before one gives up or is ultimately defeated in some glorious fashion. In the end, I just need to keep up with my studies, that’s what matters right now.
Next week looks to be hell with two tests, a case presentation and an ethics paper all due in the span of three days. I have a feeling this weekend will be mostly work and less fun than usual. It probably will do me good since I’ve had a few very fun weekends and plus I don’t want to put on weight due to drinking, especially since I tried out to be a runway model yesterday for the Spring Fashion Show. Me and a friend both got invited to tryouts and thought it was one of the most ridiculous things ever so we went to check it out. They took a full body shot, a headshot and had us walk, me being shirtless. Haha, man, that was funny; I wish tryouts were later though so I could have hit the gym a little more beforehand. Neither of us expect a callback but I can at least check “tryout to be a model” off my bucket list.
I’ve been lacking on the musical front lately so here are two songs that have been on repeat; I’ve also updated my playlist on the sidebar if you’re interested.
Plain White T’s- Rhythm of Love
Florence + The Machine- Dog Days are Over
All the best,
JP
Happy Thanksgiving!
3 weeks ago
If you really want to be friends with him, give it a try; but it won't be easy to avid having felings develop and wanting more. You'll probably have to keep reminding yourself, "just friends." In the long run it will probably be easier if you just have as little to do with him as possible, but in the short run, it won't be easy to put him in your past. But one way or the other, I think you should take the advice of friends who know you.
ReplyDeleteAnd Happy Chinese New Year to you.
Now get back to studying. LOL
Do you think str8 guys have it any easier when pursuing their love interests? Do you think it is supposed to be mutual love at first sight and then he is your life partner? If you want Mark then you need to gain his close friendship over time and take the initiative. How do you know if maybe YOU will be the one to dump him down the road when you find another guy you like better?
ReplyDelete-I hate to hear of any young person's suicide attempt and I hope this person will get help. This modern age can be impersonal at times and clashes with the communal cave-man or tribal genes we all possess. If a friend repeatedly talks of depression or suicide, even jokingly, then take it very seriously.
-That LBGTQ center might also present some possibilities as well for love interests. And you are right to place your studies higher on the priority list. Do be careful with the drinking and don't make it a habit; hit the gym instead. Me I'm dying for spring to arrive so I can go biking. bfn - Wayne :)