A New Page

I’ve decided to take initiative. If I want to move forward with my life I need to stop lingering in the past and being nostalgic about days which I know I cannot and will not return to. I’ve realized a lot of things in the past few hours and I think that it’s time for me to make a change.

Last night I had a heart to heart with my roommate. He had gone out that night and I stayed in with a bunch of people from the fourth floor to watch Love Actually in my room since we have the nice TV so when he came back he was still rather drunk. Despite this, we talked about how our nights were and eventually our conversation evolved to things much deeper than just the drinking escapades of the night.

My roommate has had a lot on his mind lately as he revealed, including his girlfriend, friends, “friends” and life in general. He felt like he didn’t deserve to have such a kind understanding girlfriend; as he put it, if he were in her shoes he would have broken up long ago and that he feels unworthy of someone as loving as her. He talked about how he feels that he doesn’t have any “true” friends apart from me and his friend from high school, and rather he has a group “friends” who are really just acquaintances of which he is just an outlier. He’s tired of being at the bottom of an hierarchy of “friends” where people are given such obvious preferential treatment it’s almost painful to hear about. He’s tired of having his view that friends should all be on an equal level being trampled upon and he’s tired of being put down and ignored. I know exactly what he means.

I love my roommate, he’s a rational, caring person whose trying to fit in yet keeps getting pushed away by two faced people who I think in reality sometimes see him as more of a nuisance than anything. It’s horrible; it’s freshman year of high school all over again, but this time the people are older, the words sharper and the emotions even greater. I hate seeing him in such turmoil when he really shouldn’t be since there is no reason to be. I really do appreciate that he is willing to say all this to me, I felt it made out relationship that much stronger. We had a roommate bro hug afterwards.

Because of this talk I’ve decided to try and rid my life of negative energy and people who weigh me down; fake people with painted on smiles who secretly could care less. I just need genuine, content people who are comfortable with themselves and aren’t afraid to just do what they want, not caring about that other people think of them. Those are the people who I should surround myself with. I realize that I already have these people in my life, indeed, these people don’t talk behind your back or judge but take you for who you are. These people are friends I have made since I arrived on campus but never truly differentiated from everyday acquaintances until recently. I just feel comfortable around them. It’s refreshing.

Continuing on this route I decided to take initiative and talk to Glee guy outside of Glee and get to know him better. I saw him at the basketball game I went to today and since I left early I sent him a message on Facebook asking if anything exciting happened in the closing minutes. I plan to use that as a base for more conversation and eventually maybe ask him to hang out in the future.

I think I need to get myself out there to move on and make progress with my life. You can’t move forward if you’re stuck in the past.

Here’s to turning to a new page, and here’s to the light at the end of the tunnel, because it is worth it in the end to persevere through the darkness to reach it.

All the best,

JP