Silent

Sometimes I wonder why people seem to have such a dislike of the night. I'm not just talking about the early birds, a strange group that I'll never understand anyways, but even the everyday man or woman who bemoans the time when the clock strikes 12. I'm a night owl through and through. Night time is when I'm at my best; I'm most alert, think the clearest, notice finer details and am so much more relaxed.

Looking back at my old posts, more than just a few have been written past midnight and that has to mean something. Take right now: I'm sitting in a breakout room in the business school building enjoying the silence and stillness of it all. I got my accounting homework done, am planning out my podcast for my English class and if I didn't have to get up at 8:30 I'd probably stay up until just before dawn. I can only imagine what walking around the neighborhoods surrounding campus at this hour would feel like; it's safe for sure but nevertheless probably not advisable...plus the sketch factor of a random kid walking around in an upper class neighborhood late at night might raise the wrong kind of attention.

The only sucky thing about being semi nocturnal is that I start craving hot, salty foods and the only places that deliver are pizza joints and none of them are particularly good, plus the minimum order is too high. I'm a college student dammit, I can't afford a delivery charge, a service charge and give a tip for a gyro and fries.

The rest of my day was rather banal but I'll take that over unnecessary drama any day.

I flyered another dorm building after dinner and tomorrow I'll be hitting up one more before calling the active portion of my campaign to a close. There are 7 people running and apart from a Facebook group for one of the other candidates, I haven't seen much in ways of campaigning from the others. To be honest, everything I'm doing is probably overkill. The main reason I'm making such a concerted effort is to build name recognition so when it comes time to vote and the few people who actually do vote cast their ballots, they will recognize my name and hopefully choose me as one of their top 3. I know I'm running against three incumbents and people who are more popular and know more people than I do but hopefully putting in the extra effort will pay off. If not, it was an experience and is something I can look back on in the future.

If I can get through two essays and the podcast this weekend I'll finally be free to relax for once.

Anyways, Pandora has been very nice ot me lately so here's another song - I haven't heard this song since freshman year of high school...wow, I was little then.


Fall Out Boy - I'm  I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)

All the best,

JP

Mayday, Mayday

Fresh Start. Now.

9:00 AM - Wake Up, Shower
10:00 AM - Meet with the TA and go over my essay
10:30 AM - Gym
11:30 AM - Shower, Grab some lunch, and last minute catch-up work
1:15 PM - 5:30 PM - Three Class block of death
6PM - Dinner
7PM - Campaigning - Flyer Posting in other dorms
8PM - 2AM - Work. Hard.

I'm determined to stick with this schedule tomorrow (today?).
Work > Play until I get everything back on track.

God help me.


Cartel - Save Us

Lovely, Just Lovely

Fuckin horrible day, but that makes me only want to work more...strange.

I need to save my GPA somehow but that's hard to do when I always feel overwhelmed even if the amount of work isn't overtly overwhelming. I don't know why that is but I do know one thing:

The fact that I don't feel like I care as much as I think I should scares the crap out of me.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and realize this is all just a horrible dream...or just wake up and realize I have one less day to boost my grades back to respectable levels. I have a feeling it will be the latter.

Where's someone I can hug and talk about this with? Right, they all live hundreds of miles away from me right now. Lovely.

Vie de merde.

JP

Happiness is an unexpected hug. ~Author Unknown

Your Eyes are the Size of the Moon

I keep feeling like I'm falling backwards whenever I make some progress towards getting over someone or something. Whether it's guys, accepting and respecting my own limits or just trying to figure out what I want to achieve in life, I'm always stuck swinging between extremes or occasionally having reality snap back and saying "no! stop overstepping your bounds."

Take Mark for example, I rarely see him now and I think that's a good thing. He's going out with his manager too which is a risky plan in my mind but that's not my area to judge, but anyways he's moving ahead with his life. I still have lingering feelings for him but it's gotten better compared to a few months ago. It's just a nuisance for this whole thing to have dragged me down for such a long time. I don't have the time or ability to deal with the stress involved on top of school work. I question if I do enter a relationship whether I would be able to balance that either. I see it going two ways, either it acting as a "rock" in my life like good friendships have for me thus far or something I would have to juggle along with everything else. If it's juggling, it's probably a sign that it's something that I should drop since a good relationship should act more like a "rock" for me than anything else.

The second problem I'm facing is that despite being around so many people, I can't seem to find any guys that I could get involved with. Most probably are closeted, and the ones that are out are too outrageous ("he's outrageous in so many ways, none of which are good" as I once told Maria about as guy) or are excellent about escaping my admittedly craptastic gaydar. The fact that I want someone who is just your guy-next-door kind of guy also makes things difficult. I just want someone who I can relate to, is funny, smart, can carry on a conversation, likes sports and enjoys one-on-one time as much as going out in groups. Is that too much to ask?

Beyond just guys though, I still feel like I'm judging my own self worth based on comparing myself to others. It's like I can't just say "okay, I'm my own person, I have my own dreams, ambitions and am just as capable as the next guy" and be fine with that, I need concrete results to backup my seemingly shaky self esteem which isn't wholly true. This is probably the biggest challenge I face right now, if I can get past this, I feel I can accomplish so much more.

While partially related to the last thing, I am still trying to get involved more on campus. I just submitted my candidacy statement for the Business School Academic Council - it's like student government for the business school where I would be a representative for the class of 2014 if I get elected. Campaigning starts tomorrow and runs for the week; elections take place next, next week. I've never run for a position in college so far so this is exciting but also kinda scary.

I've been going back to music to take the edge of things so here's a song from a few years ago that's playful and puts a smile on my face.


Panic at the Disco - Nine in the Afternoon

All the best,

JP

Five

I just want to get you alone when we're both slightly drunk and taste the inside of your mouth again for a fifth time...since four simply isn't a pretty number, y'know?

It's for numerical aesthetic purposes. Yeah, we'll go with that.

The Joy of Eating

Something that I’ve always enjoyed is cooking, and back in 2009 when I first made this blog I said that food would probably play a large role in what I talk about. Curiously, it hadn’t played a large of a role as I had expected. Maybe it’s my current battle with mild stomach flu which has left my appetite shot that ironically has me thinking even more than usual about food.

Food is more than just sustenance for me. The old saying “You are what you eat” rings true for many reasons. Food is highly cultural and for many, what one eats on a daily basis can tell a lot about your lifestyle and who you are as a person to an extent. That’s why I feel that people should be open to trying new things; people shouldn’t be afraid to step outside their bubble. Go to an ethnic restaurant and order something you can’t pronounce or something you’ve previously labeled as “disgusting” even though that food had never once ever grazed the surface of your tongue. You could end up surprised.

Speaking of the tongue, it is quite a special organ. It’s ability to taste sweet, sour, salty, savoury and bitter has developed as a means to help us survive and know what is safe and not safe to eat, but now we can enjoy it’s other benefits, one of which is to taste the complex flavours mixing those flavours in combinations we ordinarily wouldn’t. But what about other “flavours” like the warmth of cinnamon or the kick of spice? Well, your tongue isn’t the only organ you “taste” with it turns out. Many tastes rely on a combination of your tongue and nose. Ever wonder why things taste so much more dull when you have a stuffy nose due to a cold? Yup, there you go.

Back to food itself, it pains me to see how age old recipes passed down from generation to generation seems to be disappearing. Restaurants, processed foods, fast food and more can be to blame for this loss. I love going out to eat from time to time, but nothing beats a home cooked meal or something you whip up yourself. Something as simple as making and eating some mashed potatoes creates a comfy, warming feeling you can’t get with a bowl bought from the local TGI Friday’s. There’s something special about something developed by people you know care about what is being made.

Take my mom for example. She’s been cooking for years and never once has she looked at a cookbook, recipe card or cheat sheet. Everything she knows to make is in her head. It isn’t like she only has a report of 20 recipes she cycles through either; there are dozens of dishes, soups, noodles, desserts and more she knows how to make. Where did she learn all of this? Probably the same way I learned to cook: through observation. I’ve watched both my mom and dad cook since I was little. I would stand on a small step ladder and watch wide-eyed as wafer thin slices of garlic, ginger and green onion would be tossed in with shrimp, vegetables and more while a pot of soup which had been simmering all day stood steaming on the next burner over. It was beautiful to me, and it still is.

One of the great tragedies of this generation could be the loss of thousands of time tested recipes if steps aren’t taken to write them down or for my generation to take to the kitchen and start watching.

Anyways, this post would probably never make up for all the lost food-related writing that had gotten lost over the years but it’s a start. Also, it’s a good time to share with y’all one of my own recipes. It’s getting warmer and with that you want to have some food that will help keep you cool while still filling you up more than just a drink would.

I developed this recipes after watching a video for a Japanese dish but changed the recipe to better reflect the Chinese flavours I’m more familiar with and I must say it turned out white well. It’s perfect for a light summer lunch and is very customizable when it comes to varying the ratios in the sauce and to any additional toppings you could add. It even got my mom’s seal of approval!

I hope you give it a try :)

Chinese Cold Summer Noodles

Ingredients:

1/2 pound Chinese flat wheat noodles (Spaghetti can be substituted)

Sauce:
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon black vinegar
2 teaspoons sugar (or to taste)
1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon chili-garlic sauce/paste
2-3 tablespoons water to dilute to taste

Garnish
1/2 cup chopped green onion

1. Cook noodles until just done, rinse with cold water and drain well. Move into the fridge and let it chill and dry as you prepare the sauce

2. Combine all the sauce ingredients, make sure the sugar is fully dissolved. When I first made this sauce I eyeballed everything so the ratios are approximate. Adjust the salt-sour-spicy balance to your taste by varying the vinegar, soy and chili.

3. Cover the sauce with plastic and chill in the fridge for one hour along with the noodles

4. When ready to serve, transfer the noodles into individual bowls and spoon sauce over the noodles and garnish with green onion. Mix well to make sure noodles are well coated.

5. Enjoy!

All the best,

JP

It's Not Worth Wasting Your Time

adorable.

because I like this song


If people just slowed down a little and took time to appreciate the simple things, the cute things, and the small victories in life, the world would be a much better place. Things are almost never as bad as they seem at first glance I've come to realize, and given some time, you probably won't even remember what you were so upset about in the first place.

I need to stop getting derailed so easily by little bumps because the whole process of getting back on track is too much effort for the small period of cathartic emotion dumping I experience. I have better ways to expel built up emotion, ie going for a walk, working out, having a cup of tea or cooking. I feel like I'm realizing this for the umpteenth time but maybe I need this repetition to drive the point home in my head.

Is this what growing up feels like?

All the best,

JP

-picture from hoyasanonymous.wordpress.com-

Win/Lose

Don't you hate it when some of your most anticipated plans fall through? It annoys the crap out of me, especially since I'm usually the one who caves and takes the hit. Meh, whatever, win some lose some. There will be plenty future opportunities.

I have my first tutoring session tomorrow which I'm really excited for and then tomorrow night after the fashion show dress rehearsal I'm going out clubbing with some friends to take the load off of the week. It will also help make me forget about the impending doom that is my Accounting exam Monday. Yeah, I'm terrified.

It's late, I'm off to bed.

Night y'all.

JP

Oh, and can I say, I finally watched the latest glee and that kiss was HOT. I'd take a piece of Darren Criss anyday.

GPA Wreckers

Business Statistics and Accounting are trying to screw me over. P, Z and T values don't matter to me and I honestly don't really care whether Delta Cargo should capitalize or expense their $3,000 decal for their new crane.

Zut alors.

Land Legs

You know what, things got better, and it was mostly due to the singing of a cruise ship piano man I went to listen to and chat with almost every night for the past week.

Robert was his name, he sang mostly older classics- Garth Brooks, Journey, Bon Jovi- all with a slight accent, occasionally dropping the H in "th-" words which made me smile on the inside.

Every night at 9:15, he began his one man act, just him and his piano and a bar full of people looking for an escape through singing along in all tones and pitches, drink in hand, reveling in the company of strangers. Being in that lounge each night made me happy in a "everything will be alright" sort of way. It was nice, really nice.

Of course I did other things; I lost money at the blackjack table, I went to the beach, I hit the gym, I slept way too much, and I ate my body weight in five course dinners every night. I didn't whore myself out; it was an idea born in jest from the start, and apart from some nice eye candy at the gym, all the guys were douchey-looking bros who were all seniors, 90% of whom were from Pitt or JMU (nothing bad about those schools, just an observation).

So it was pretty relaxing which was good. I need to catch up on work now but I did get some work done over the break. Mostly, though, I'm ready to get back to campus now. I've had my time to think and unwind, but I'm ready to get back to the grind of things.

Strangely, I miss it.

JP

I Miss Home

Maybe if I can make $500 at the blackjack table this trip will be worth it...

I'm not having fun, dinner is consistently awkward, and I keep getting reminded of my single-ness.

I want to go home.

(Sorry, 75 cent/min. internet is not worth an extended post)

JP

You Slut.

Surprise, surprise, my Spring break plans have changed once again. As I've mentioned a few weeks ago, I was supposed to go on a cruise this week but that got canceled because of my parent's getting separated....well, apparently it's back on.

What the hell is going on? I don't even know anymore. I haven't spoken or seen my dad in about a month and my mom hadn't spoken to my dad until two days ago. He doesn't want to waste the holiday so despite how obviously awkward it's going to be I reluctantly/was guilt tripped into going. I honestly think it's a bad idea but my mom needs to get away from home and wants to take advantage of the time to talk with dad about how things are going to proceed. They've turned a Caribbean holiday into a business trip. I'll let them do what they do, maybe this will be a productive holiday for them. I hope so at least.

As for what I'm going to do? Well, I've been granted an unprecedented level of freedom by my mom to spend time on the ship as I please. She doesn't want me to have to deal with the inevitable drama so she said I should go off and do whatever and try to enjoy myself...whatever that means. We are still staying in the same room and we're probably going to eat together for dinner and such but otherwise I'm going to preoccupy myself with the GT of the GTL the Jersey Shore has made so popular, in addition to other things. I'm still modeling for the Spring fashion show so the gym will be my best friend for the week but I also need to socialize.

It is Spring break for many schools in the US so there will be plenty of college aged people on board so I need to make sure to make an effort to meet and talk to them. There's a club on board and the casino where I can probably meet a bunch of people so as long as I don't become too engrossed in not being awkward and thus come across as too shy, I think I should be fine. I've met some amazing people on cruises before so hopefully this will be repeated this time 'round as well.

Spring break also brings up another thing I'm looking forward too, guys, and lots of them. Yes, I do intend to scope out some guys to get together with during my holiday, and yes, I am going to let loose and have some fun over the course of the week. I don't want to completely whore myself out, but Spring break is supposed to be fun and getting some is part of that. I don't have much in ways of work and when there are so many possibilities to meet guys I'm going to milk it for all its got.

God, I sound like a slut ;)

Speaking of milking things for all they've got...I'm still not on good terms with my dad but in keeping with the spirit of a no-holds-barred Spring break, I plan to take advantage of my dad's credit card and try my hand at blackjack, poker, drinks on shore and jet skiing. It sounds like I'm taking advantage of the situation (and I sorta am to be honest) but at this point, I don't care as much as I probably should. To give you another idea about this weird relationship I have with my dad right now, I've talked to my mom about getting a job at the local Wegmans this summer and since we both need a car, she told me to talk my dad into buying me one. Essentially she said he has the money, use it while you can. It's very passive aggressive and back handed in all honesty. If that gives you a flavour about what the relationship between me, my mom and my dad have right now you can only imagine what the overall situation is like.

Well, we'll see how this week turns out. I'm going to try to have fun and if I get some Internet access I'll do some updates and hopefully some photos for you guys as well.

Smooth seas ahead captain...I hope.

JP

Funny How Things Work

"Don't get caught up in the little things or every detail of the here and now. Keep an eye on the goal, ignore the small bumps along the way, learn from the big ones, and strive for that instead."

Funny how your mood can change so drastically over the course of a few hours, eh?

40 Extraordinary Things

40 Extraordinary Things Happening Right Now


Right now is a phenomenon. Right now extraordinary things are happening.

Right now…

-A soldier of sorts is diligently fighting the fight so you don’t have to.

-Someone who suffered from a severe injury last year is back on their feet.

-A small group of people are building something that will soon make the impossible possible.

-Somewhere on Earth a double rainbow is stretched from one end of the horizon to the other.

-One of the next Billboard-chart-topping musical artists is patiently rehearsing in her garage.

-A piece of literature is being written that will eventually change your perspective on life.

-Young children all over the world are singing and dancing before they even realize there is anything that isn’t music.

-A friend is helping a friend rise above thoughts of suicide.

-Someone is thinking what you’re thinking, but hasn’t said anything yet either.

-Two people in your hometown are falling in love.

-Somewhere someone is admiring a breathtaking sunrise, and somewhere else a surreal sunset.

-People of various religious backgrounds are in temples, churches, mosques and other places of worship praying, wholeheartedly, for world peace.

-Someone who has struggled with their weight for the last several years is standing on a scale and smiling.

-Hundreds of cute elderly couples are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

-A baby girl just took her first few steps without falling.

-Two best friends are laughing so hard they aren’t even making any noise.

-A future world leader is in grade school at recess.

-Someone is in the process of sincerely forgiving a seemingly unforgivable act.

-There’s a kid studying hard somewhere who aspires to get to where you are in life.

-A firefighter is running into a burning building to rescue a perfect stranger.

-Someone in your vicinity genuinely wants to be your friend.

-A young mom is lying in a hospital bed and holding her newborn baby twins for the very first time.

-Someone is taking a shower and singing happily at the top of their lungs.

-There is someone out there who smiles when they think of a specific moment they once shared with you.

-An alcoholic just celebrated one full year of sobriety.

-Volunteers in major cities all over the world are working at homeless shelters caring for those who are less fortunate than themselves.

-A young man is pulled over on the side of the road helping a young woman change a flat tire.

-A high school athlete just broke her own personal record.

-Two teenagers just received their very first kiss ever from each other.

-A husband and wife who were drowning in debt five years ago proudly hold a balance of zero on their credit cards.

-Someone is hugging a friend who desperately needs it.

-A new small business owner just wrapped up his first profitable yearworking for himself.

-A grandfather is holding his granddaughter’s hand and they’re both smiling from ear to ear.

-Someone just placed their spare change in the charity collection cup at the grocery store.

-A small group of friends are sitting around a table sharing funny stories and cheerfully reminiscing about the good old days.

-A breast cancer patient just found out her cancer is in complete remission.

-Someone out there is missing you and looking forward to your next visit.

-Honest people are working for various government entities to help protect your basic human rights and civil liberties.

-An emergency room surgeon is in the middle of saving his patient’s life.

-Someone is holding the door open for the person behind them.

-Right now is a new beginning. Right now is an opportunity.

Do something extraordinary.

*reblogged from fuckyeahhappy.tumblr.com*

Slacker

Being around people who are involved in so many campus organizations, are actively influencing the course of university life, and are applying for (and likely to get into) international summer programs makes me feel so inferior and insignificant.

I wish I had their drive.

I wish I had their ambition.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it's hard not to when I'm surrounded by people who I know are destined for greatness beyond what I could ever be capable of.

I should have expected this when I entered a Top-20 university, but despite my best efforts, I still feel like a nobody in a world of all-stars. I annoys me especially badly since based on my circumstances I think I shouldn't feel this way. I'm the first person in my family to attend anything other than a community or state college, and I intend to be the first person to go to graduate school in a few years. Considering my dad's a college dropout and my mom never finished high school, everything I've learned in psych and sociology says that the fact I am where I am makes me a statistical anomaly. I should be proud, but instead I feel average at best.

I want to change the world, give myself a name in the realm of big business, and do so much more, but even my lofty dreams are being eclipsed by those who have just as, if not more ambitious dreams than I do.