Une Vie Compliquée: Because you are hot and cold, yes and no

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Because you are hot and cold, yes and no

I think things between me and Mark have gone awkward. We haven't really talked since last Thursday's encounter and I feel like he's been avoiding me or ignoring me for some reason. He said in Thursday he didn't want things to be awkward between us but that's exactly how it is now. I don't know if that was his way of cutting things off between us but I'm really confused and frustrated right now.

Yesterday I tried inviting him to dinner with me and my friend but it kinda stalled out, he was asking a lot of questions and seemed really unsure. I want to talk to him one on one and see what's going on. I'm getting really tired of falling into this problem of falling for guys I can't have but that's exactly what I feel now, and the worst thing is, he was the one who started the whole bit.

I just don't know. I haven't done anything very productive all day (though it is a three day weekend thank god) and I'm hoping that going out to dinner with Maria (my visiting friend) will help me take my mind off things. We're going to a Tapas restaurant.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and don't do anything you'll regret ;)

All the best,

JP

2 comments:

waynerOctober 9, 2010 at 5:28 PM
It sounds like Mark is going into denial about his sexuality. Maybe he wants to have some gay sex but it scares the hell out of him cos it might edge him closer to his sexuality of preference. I can imagine the frustration you must feel. But as the psychologists say, you need to communicate and talk; what do you have to lose? Also he is not the only gay fish in that university ocean. bfn - Wayne (hugs)
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OliverOctober 9, 2010 at 7:15 PM
tapas are the best :P

is he a top, eh?

I'm really sorry, puns are the worst.

Even though that was an awful pun.

I'm going to stop now before I embarrass myself even more.
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Glossary

Some people I mention in this blog:

Maria - My best friend since kindergarden, I know almost everything about her and she about me. She was the first person I came out to and has been the rock ontowhich I go to when things get rocky in life. She's the only person I can actually speak completely open and frankly with. I don't know what I would do if I never met her all those years ago.

M - A girl I became friends with freshman year of high school, we've become very close friends and continue to be to this very day. We are surprisingly similar personality wise and value each other's opinion very highly. I can talk freely to M almost as much as I can with Maria. She currently attends an ivy-league university up north; I'm really glad we met all those years ago and can only imagine how my high school years would have turned out if we never met.

Miss X- Foodie, blogger, photgrapher, one of my best friends, and someone who can have a delightfully dry sense of humour. We met early on in high school and have been friends ever since. We often go on adventures accross NOVA with our little circle of friends which are occasionally recounted here on this blog.

Christine- Friends since we could barely ride half the roller coasters at theme parks, Christine is a magical being who is one of the few people I could and would talk about anything with for hours on end. She's currently spending much of her time in NYC though we still see each other very often. Her dramas sometimes make my drama seem like childsplay.

Mark -A former dorm mate, and now former crush. He came out as bi to me and Maudry one night which he has been increasingly comfortable with. He's tall, has short brown hair and used to play football. He's ambitious and looks to make a big impact in the world of Politics in the future. I have had a crush on him and we've gotten together a few times. I thought our relationship could have been something more, but in the end it will end up staying as a friendship. I hope only the best for him.

Liz - One of best friends at school. She's funny, charismatic and is someone who I can tell almost anything to. She's friends with Maudry, Mark and is part of the first floor crew who I love and frequently visited during my freshman year, we're still great friends today.

Matt - My now former love, hate, drug, everything. I met him back during my Sophomore year and the crush I developed on him that stuck for the longest time. He's tall, has brown blond hair and the rare but desirable "serious but funny" personality that makes me melt. He also has probably one of the best smiles of any guy I know. He was one of the captains of my high schools cross country team. For quite some time I've tried to end this obsession over him but everytime I seemed to make progress, I'd relapse. He's a great guy but in all liklihood he's straight.

Southern Charm (aka SC) - A guy on the crew team who had moved up from Florida during my senior year. He's charming, tall, and slim with brown slightly wavy short hair. When I first met him I got the thought that he might be gay, a thought I quickly suppressed. Since then, we had become pretty good friends. My friend Jess has a crush on SC. One evening on a car ride home, my friend Dutch told me she thought that SC might be gay, something I had repressed in my mind for months, but was pushed to the front of my mind again. He's now a freshman and is study engineering and comp sci in university.

Ben - A guy I had the pleasure of knowing for one of the best weeks of my life during a cruise over the summer. He's a bit shorter than me but was also a senior who runs cross country. We got to know each other pretty well and had many conversations during that week that I will probably never forget. He has brown hair and the most beautiful light brown eyes. I'm pretty sure he's straight but i couldn't help but get the feeling he could have been bi. He's mostly in my summer 2009 posts.

Dutch - My friend who I met during my junior year on the crew team. She's a fun great person to be around and is someone I could talk about anything with, especially during the private car rides back from practice. We both know of all the crew drama that goes on.

My Family - A network of people who I love with all my heart despite their nuances, quirks and often ridiculous practices. Apart from my mom, I haven't told anyone I'm gay and probably won't for a while. They're not ready for that and don't need the added stress.

Various Single Lettered Friends (L, T, K etc)- Friends I got too lazy to actually come up with an alias for (I gave up after five, how sad haha). They are usually someone from my close group of friends some of which I have come out to. We have a very mutually supportive relationship that fosters great bonds between us as a group.

**Names Changed to Preserve Anonymity**

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Because you are hot and cold, yes and no

2 comments:

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