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Mon Dieu, Pourquoi ce debacle n'ira pas finir?! Things between me and Mark keep getting more effing confusing. Before I explain, I should provide a warning that I may get into more detail than some would prefer and also that what I'm going to say may not reflect well on me personally. Okay, all set? good.

In my last post about a week ago I talked about how me and Mark had a talk and I admitted that I had a grade-school crush on him and that went on so that we both said how neither of us were really each others type. Well, I felt a little bummed but nevertheless I wasn't totally crushed after. Well, what I left out was that after out conversation we ended up hooking up. Yeah, I know. Talk about taking the whole "let's be friends" things and fucking around with it 10 seconds later.

That whole situation confused the heck out of me but I ended up just seeing it as the end of whatever could have been between us. I gave him some space the next few days.

Well, yesterday I ended up having a quiet night in terms of homework as did Mark and we ended up chatting on Facebook. After some time of awkwardly saying how his roommate would be out for some time and that we both weren't busy, he asked if I wanted to come over to his room. Well, I guess you can imagine I accepted. When I got there we chatted for a while and he said that he felt slutty for always ending up meeting each other but then said how we both benefited as well (he used an international relations analogy, it was strangly appealing and so nerdy at the same time). He mentioned again that I wasn't really his type and him mine but we both digressed. We ended up hooking up again, this time in his room, he was being really cautious, afraid his roommate would come back despite his word he wouldn't be back for a while, and turned on music to create background noise but that ended up making things more exciting in the end. Damn, did that just happen? Now I feel slutty.

I asked him if he would consider going further with a guy but he said he wasn't at that point yet. After all was done, he admitted in a really cute way that after he finishes, he always looks stoned since he turns bright red and his eyes become slightly bloodshot. He then said he would find me a date which I then retorted that he should find himself one first. I laughed and said goodnight at that point.

I'm so confused by this all. Even though we both have said that neither of us were each other's type and that we would probably just stay friends, we always manage to find ourselves together. I'm so tempted to just say "hey, I know that this might be a stretch for you and also for me, but why don't we give it a try and go out some time, and if things don't work out, we can go back to being friends?" I'm afraid that if he accepts but things don't work out, things will just end up being awkward and that I will have residual feelings for him.

So many traps!

Anyways, in other news, things have been going pretty well. I got back what I thought was a truly crappy paper but got an A- on it, yay! I also recently turned in a theology paper and took my first Calc test, hopefully things will go well for those as well. Last night I also went to go see the theatre group's production of Arsenic and Old Lace which was hysterical, especially since a few of my friends were in the show itself. Things have calmed down a little finally after a few days of work overload so I'm enjoying having some down time though I should get a jump on next week's work.

Enjoy your weekend,

JP