The guy I hooked up with last night won't stop texting me and it's really starting to annoy me. I don't need a constant stream of texts asking what I'm up to, what my plans are for the night and descriptions of how you're obviously horny. I have work, I have a life, and I have responsibilities. Worse yet, this has been going on since I gave him my number a week ago. He's seriously acting like a lost puppy right now just following me via my phone wanting to know every detail of my life. I don't want to tell him to back off but I feel I'll probably have to soon if this keeps up.
I get it if you want to hook up again, but it's no fun if you're doing it every day. Yes, I'm looking for a relationship, but you, sir, are not the kind of guy I'm interested in. Also, as long as I'm looking and have people in my sights (aka adorkable freshman from theatre and this other freshman from the grilling club I'm in), I'd rather have spontaneous hot hookups rather than banal regular ones. I mean, I don't know about you but meeting a really hot guy and then find out you're hitting it off with him is pretty sick, whatever happens afterwards is just icing on the cake.
Yes, it does feel nice to be wanted, but sometimes that goes overboard like this situation is currently spiraling towards.
Damn, I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't want a fuck buddy. I won't be a slave to my dick, at least most of the time....
-Up at 10-Breakfast, the dining hall actually had halfway decent food!?
-Did some microeconomics homework
-Bought a corkscrew on Amazon
-Went to the gym for an hour, set a new record 15 minute piece pace for myself - 2:02.1/500m.
-Production Staff meeting for the theatre production I'm doing publicity for, boring as ever
-Ordered dinner in with my friend Jacki, we watch The Princess and the Frog on Netflix while we eat
-Work until 11PM, I finish German and start laying the groundwork for my Philosophy paper
-Watch SNL with friends at another dorm
-Guy whose been trying to meet up me texts me, my roommate is out
-We mess around for a while and then he leaves
-I realize I have two massive hickies
-I text all my close female friends to find concealer, I have so many meetings tomorrow
-My friend Jacki teases me nonstop about this and then tells me she doesn't have any concealer
-My friend Eun texts back saying she does have some
-Get grilled about who it was, I refuse to answer
-Work on Philosophy paper some more
-Now I'm in bed.
Yeah, essentially this past week has been my hell week but now I'm finally free (sorta) but this upcoming week also looks to be pretty bad. Welcome back to school eh?
I was voted most likley to be a cradle robber this year by a group of my friends. Funny thing is, I do have my eyes on a freshman who's in the theater production I'm doing publicity for. He's cute, kinda dorky and fun to talk to. We'll see where this goes.....
Sad thing is, German and Managerial Accounting have been eating up so much of my time I don't even know if I'll have enough of a social life in the near future to even make something happen. Ugh. Anyways, doesn't the fact that I'm younger than MANY of the freshmen make the whole cradle-robber label null and void?
Was there not enough pain and frustration the first time round that I seem to unconsciously feel the need to seek the one feeling I dread the most? It's been over a year now. Over a year since I began my college life where people, many of whom are now my friends, first entered my life and exposed me to a world with levels of acheivement and brilliance that I never once thought were possible apart from in a work of fiction....
It's the ludicrous levels of imagination, such profound creativity and deep, analytical thought that the trivial squeaks about the topic of the day pouring out of my mouth seem more like baby babble rather than coherent thoughts. There are people, friends with skills and knowledge that far surpass mine and go to the point where they understate their abilities on resumes and job applications to make them seem more human. I like to tell myself that comparing my abilities and views to them and theirs is wasteful. Time better spent would be on Microeconomics, Managerial Accounting or whatever other "useful" class that will one day earn me more money (because we all know that's what people in business care about...) I should just sit at my desk and read. Why waste time comparing myself to someone who is simply better?
When I started my freshman year, I knew that I would be entering a different world, one where "top of the heap" now meant "middle of the road". I felt lost in a pool of hundreds, all who fought for their spot to attend this school and got in with merits equal or probably better than mine. After my crisis last year about this very same problem I'm facing now, I felt that I finally made amends with myself. I accepted that we all have our own skills that make us better at something compared to our peers. It sounded childish then, like something my kindergarden teacher would tell me when Ben over there would colour within the lines better than I could, and it still sounds lubby dubby now.
It's only mid September, I just turned 19 and I still have so much ahead of me. Do I have to do what I did last year and just keep telling myself "It's Okay" when I know that deep down I will always have some nagging feeling whenever that someone passes by me on the way to class, reminding me "you're only average"? I don't want to be average. I will not settle for average. I don't want a Hershey's Bar when a Godiva truffle is right next to it. I don't want a Camry or Accord when I can have an E-Class or S80. I want to find that fighting spirit I once had when I knew I was close to the top just a handful of years ago. I don't think I lost it; I just tucked it away, something I regret doing. That fighting spirit got me here in the first place, if I can get it back, maybe I can do it again.
So I found out one of the guys I've been talking to on Grindr is actually one of my friends. I know without a doubt it's him and he knows the guy he's been talking with is me. I'm not terribly surprised this guy was into guys in retrospect but he's really closeted and I think he might be really freaked out right now that I found out in the way I did.
We haven't spoken since this incident occured a few hours ago.
Sup Guys! I realize it's been a while since I last wrote but I've been a bit too busy to keep up with writing here but I finally found some. Let's catch up:
First week of classes: I met all my professors and I'm optimistic about this semester. Most of my professors seem pretty chill. I know they were probably trying to be all personable and funny but there's a surprising amount of young blood (comparatively speaking) in the staff. My Managerial Accounting professor is a really chill guy; it's his first year teaching and he cracked his fair share of jokes. The only thing which was kinda funny to me was that his suit was a size or two too big and looked kind of odd on him haha. My microeconomics class is my first true lecture style class. Before this year, the biggest class I was in had about 80 people (ethics this past Spring) and this time it's about 300. German is interesting to say the least; one of my classmates, a freshman, went to a school really close to mine in VA which was a nice surprise. Otherwise, it's staring from scratch for me, almost nothing transfers from my French classes in high school so finding out what all the umlauts and what "ß" sound like. It's pretty cool though; the professor is this young guy who's really in touch with us.
Welcome Week: This first week has been pretty much one giant last bash before classes take over our lives. The Student Activities fair was held yesterday on the front lawn and I joined the Grilling Society and the International Relations Club. I still think I'm going to continue with tutoring and also with the campus Pride organization as well. I don't know if I'm going to pursue a job this time around. The Grilling Society sets up a stand every Friday and sells burgers on one of the Plazas. I don't have classes Friday (apart from an Econ recitation for 45 minutes) so I'm going to dedicate myself to getting in to the crowd. It's really a get yourself known and help out until they like you and then they might promote you to "grillmaster". I already talked to a bunch of the members and the President of the club so I'm on my way I hope.
Fun: I've been going out almost non stop this past weekend but I think that's the point for the first week back. Friday I went to see Don't be Afraid of the Dark with a few of the guys; it wasn't particularly scary but was creepy enough and it made me jump a few times. I love Guillermo del Toro's work though and there were so many Pan's Labyrinth similarities too (favorite movie ever, stream it if you can) Saturday was the midnight fair on the front lawn, I rode a mechanical bull for the first time (fail) and bumped myself up on a few obstacle courses (double fail) but it was really fun in a stumbling-around-drunk and having stuff to climb on way. Last night was the IRC kickoff and welcome party as well. There were a ton of freshmen still on their "I'm in college" high but after a while it cleared out to being mostly upperclassmen. We were at an apartment for a while before eventually ending up at a townhouse around 1:30. Overall, good night.
Today is mostly a catch-up on work day. I worked on German homework for almost two hours and I still need to get some reading done for other classes but I'll probably do most of it tonight. I only have one class tomorrow anyways so I have more time if I need it. I'm also trying to stick with my summer workout program so I'm aiming to keep with going to the gym four or five days a week. I want to put on about three more pounds before I level off and just maintain. The only sad thing now is that looking on the workout memories of the ergs I'm so fucking slow compared to the varsity crew guys it's kinda depressing.
Still better than this guy though....
Alright, that's a decent enough recap of what's been going on. I'll try to start writing more often/regularly and talk about more interesting topics again. Also, there's a new blog I'm following here that I think you guys will find interesting so check him out. He's a freshman tennis player which is pretty cool since I'm thinking of picking up tennis in addition to boxing with my friend Alex soon. Go check him out.
The personal blog of a now recent college grad who successfully pushed through a business school curriculum and now is facing the "real world" with an actual big boy job. This blog follows the the joys, challenges, struggles, and surprises it presents to him, whether it be work, school, his peers, or the occasional rogue deer running into the road. Join Me, Won't You?
Maria - My best friend since kindergarden, I know almost everything about her and she about me. She was the first person I came out to and has been the rock ontowhich I go to when things get rocky in life. She's the only person I can actually speak completely open and frankly with. I don't know what I would do if I never met her all those years ago.
M - A girl I became friends with freshman year of high school, we've become very close friends and continue to be to this very day. We are surprisingly similar personality wise and value each other's opinion very highly. I can talk freely to M almost as much as I can with Maria. She currently attends an ivy-league university up north; I'm really glad we met all those years ago and can only imagine how my high school years would have turned out if we never met.
Miss X- Foodie, blogger, photgrapher, one of my best friends, and someone who can have a delightfully dry sense of humour. We met early on in high school and have been friends ever since. We often go on adventures accross NOVA with our little circle of friends which are occasionally recounted here on this blog.
Christine- Friends since we could barely ride half the roller coasters at theme parks, Christine is a magical being who is one of the few people I could and would talk about anything with for hours on end. She's currently spending much of her time in NYC though we still see each other very often. Her dramas sometimes make my drama seem like childsplay.
Mark -A former dorm mate, and now former crush. He came out as bi to me and Maudry one night which he has been increasingly comfortable with. He's tall, has short brown hair and used to play football. He's ambitious and looks to make a big impact in the world of Politics in the future. I have had a crush on him and we've gotten together a few times. I thought our relationship could have been something more, but in the end it will end up staying as a friendship. I hope only the best for him.
Liz - One of best friends at school. She's funny, charismatic and is someone who I can tell almost anything to. She's friends with Maudry, Mark and is part of the first floor crew who I love and frequently visited during my freshman year, we're still great friends today.
Matt - My now former love, hate, drug, everything. I met him back during my Sophomore year and the crush I developed on him that stuck for the longest time. He's tall, has brown blond hair and the rare but desirable "serious but funny" personality that makes me melt. He also has probably one of the best smiles of any guy I know. He was one of the captains of my high schools cross country team. For quite some time I've tried to end this obsession over him but everytime I seemed to make progress, I'd relapse. He's a great guy but in all liklihood he's straight.
Southern Charm (aka SC) - A guy on the crew team who had moved up from Florida during my senior year. He's charming, tall, and slim with brown slightly wavy short hair. When I first met him I got the thought that he might be gay, a thought I quickly suppressed. Since then, we had become pretty good friends. My friend Jess has a crush on SC. One evening on a car ride home, my friend Dutch told me she thought that SC might be gay, something I had repressed in my mind for months, but was pushed to the front of my mind again. He's now a freshman and is study engineering and comp sci in university.
Ben - A guy I had the pleasure of knowing for one of the best weeks of my life during a cruise over the summer. He's a bit shorter than me but was also a senior who runs cross country. We got to know each other pretty well and had many conversations during that week that I will probably never forget. He has brown hair and the most beautiful light brown eyes. I'm pretty sure he's straight but i couldn't help but get the feeling he could have been bi. He's mostly in my summer 2009 posts.
Dutch - My friend who I met during my junior year on the crew team. She's a fun great person to be around and is someone I could talk about anything with, especially during the private car rides back from practice. We both know of all the crew drama that goes on.
My Family - A network of people who I love with all my heart despite their nuances, quirks and often ridiculous practices. Apart from my mom, I haven't told anyone I'm gay and probably won't for a while. They're not ready for that and don't need the added stress.
Various Single Lettered Friends (L, T, K etc)- Friends I got too lazy to actually come up with an alias for (I gave up after five, how sad haha). They are usually someone from my close group of friends some of which I have come out to. We have a very mutually supportive relationship that fosters great bonds between us as a group.
**Names Changed to Preserve Anonymity**
I'm from the ________
I Can't Resist...
Where are You From?
All pictures on this blog are taken from the internet and are assumed to be of public domain. If you own any image and would like for it to be removed, let me know and it will be removed immediately.