Stress Relief Tips?

Stress relief tips anyone?

My finals start in two days. One a day for 5 days. This coming week is going to suck but I'll get through it.

I went on a run tonight along the Potomac and had some creepy guy start following me before I broke into a sprint and ran the other way so I think nighttime runs are out of the question.

I've been trying to go to the gym but it's starting to get kind of boring and I haven't been motivated enough lately.

Anyways, I'd really appreciate any suggestions you may have so comment s'il vous plait. Merci!

JP


Also, I don't know what the hell is going on but like a month ago I got with this guy after going clubbing (he goes to my school) and now I can't get the experience out of my head. Unfortunately it wasn't a pleasant experience and it's actually kind of gross. Now the fact that it's replaying in my head during naps and at randoms times while studying is really not doing wonders for me when I'm trying to figure out International Trade or Macroeconomics. I'm hoping it just fades on its own quite honestly.... *shiver* it was bad.

Sorry for that, I just needed to tell someone that to get it out of my head.

Carry on.

Leave Me Alone!

The guy I hooked up with last night won't stop texting me and it's really starting to annoy me. I don't need a constant stream of texts asking what I'm up to, what my plans are for the night and descriptions of how you're obviously horny.  I have work, I have a life, and I have responsibilities. Worse yet, this has been going on since I gave him my number a week ago. He's seriously acting like a lost puppy right now just following me via my phone wanting to know every detail of my life. I don't want to tell him to back off but I feel I'll probably have to soon if this keeps up.

I get it if you want to hook up again, but it's no fun if you're doing it every day. Yes, I'm looking for a relationship, but you, sir, are not the kind of guy I'm interested in. Also, as long as I'm looking and have people in my sights (aka adorkable freshman from theatre and this other freshman from the grilling club I'm in), I'd rather have spontaneous hot hookups rather than banal regular ones. I mean, I don't know about you but meeting a really hot guy and then find out you're hitting it off with him is pretty sick, whatever happens afterwards is just icing on the cake.

Yes, it does feel nice to be wanted, but sometimes that goes overboard like this situation is currently spiraling towards.

Damn, I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't want a fuck buddy. I won't be a slave to my dick, at least most of the time....

All the best,

JP

My Saturday

-Up at 10-Breakfast, the dining hall actually had halfway decent food!?
-Did some microeconomics homework
-Bought a corkscrew on Amazon
-Went to the gym for an hour, set a new record 15 minute piece pace for myself - 2:02.1/500m.
-Production Staff meeting for the theatre production I'm doing publicity for, boring as ever
-Ordered dinner in with my friend Jacki, we watch The Princess and the Frog on Netflix while we eat
-Work until 11PM, I finish German and start laying the groundwork for my Philosophy paper
-Watch SNL with friends at another dorm
-Guy whose been trying to meet up me texts me, my roommate is out
-We mess around for a while and then he leaves
-I realize I have two massive hickies
-I text all my close female friends to find concealer, I have so many meetings tomorrow
-My friend Jacki teases me nonstop about this and then tells me she doesn't have any concealer
-My friend Eun texts back saying she does have some
-Get grilled about who it was, I refuse to answer
-Work on Philosophy paper some more
-Now I'm in bed.

Yeah, essentially this past week has been my hell week but now I'm finally free (sorta) but this upcoming week also looks to be pretty bad. Welcome back to school eh?

Oh, and belated hooray for the end of DADT!

All the best,

JP

Power

Wow it's been a while, time to catch up.

The accounting test was absolute hell; I don't think I've ever taken a test where I felt more shot down and degraded than after that test. I reviewed for days, studied with friends and took a practice test which was absolutely nothing like actual test and that was pretty much all for naught. Ugh! I ended up going to the gym afterwards with one of my friends who also took the test to release some of the anger and frustration and then had a Thirsty Thursday night in with my roommate. That helped. A lot. The case presentation the same day in contrast went pretty smoothly.

Friday was calm for the most part, I didn't do much, I went to Safeway, ran some errands, went out to dinner with some friends and then pretty much just hung out before going to bed early.

Saturday was an interesting night. I didn't do crap all day, I went to a meeting for the fashion show and then hung out with Maria who was home for the weekend. I then got dinner with my parents at a Korean barbecue place before heading back to campus. I still felt the drag of the accounting exam, case presentation and all the general work load of the week so I intended to have fun last night. I had a few friends over to my room and we pregamed going out to a party across campus held by the international affairs club and then went to the 21st birthday party of one of my friend's cousin. There were a bunch of guys there but I didn't go after any of them.

I should probably explain that I'm trying my hardest to get over Mark for once and for all; he's a guy looking for a hookup here and a quick fuck there while I'm not for the most part. How I'm trying to get over him might entail some methods that I know might not be the best or wisest in the world. Given how I characterized Mark, it might seem hypocritical then that in my state of emotional confusion, drunkenness and weekend celebratory mood I booty called a guy I hooked up with back in the fall last night. I felt uneasy for doing so but I really think if I could get some of this out of my system I would feel a little better. Well, this guy who we'll call J texted me back to meet him in his room. I showed up and his roommate was at the entrance to the dorm and knew exactly why I was there. It was awkward, haha. We talked for a second, this time me playing the "Mark" role, saying I just wanted this for fun and wasn't looking for much more, he said sure and we got to it. I felt surprisingly powerful in this whole situation; it was nice to be in control.

I don't know what's up with me and power lately but I think I have an inkling why.

not too far from what happened last night...

People keep saying how I'm so sweet and nice and perfect husband/boyfriend material yet nothing works out for me. Constantly hearing this kinda got annoying since hearing it from girls doesn't really mean anything to me apart from being just complements. I don't want to be known only as just the nice guy. Yes, I like being the nice guy and yes again, I think I am a nice guy, but that won't get me anywhere near where I want to reach. Being constantly nice and accommodating makes me feel weak in a way and probably seem weak to others as well.

A little secret I keep tucked away inside is that I'm not as innocent and sweet as I make myself to be. Behind closed doors I'm actually quite a assertive and aggressive individual willing to try almost anything once and am willing to fight for a belief until blood is drawn. It's like having two minds inhabiting the same body, one showing itself during the day and one when the sun sets. For those who only see the sunny side are missing out on half the story; it's like watching Titanic and cutting the movie before the ship hits the iceberg, you miss what is pretty much the most crucial bit to the story.

Maybe I need to let some of this hidden side show more often. The saying goes that nice guys finish last and I think that couldn't be more true in college. I've been Mr. Nice Guy for a while and probably always will be, but it's my dark side that I need to hint at more. Maybe that will get people interested and want to explore more into what I have to offer.

What's gotten into me?

JP

Friday (A Scary Weekend Part I)

I’ve fucked up. This whole weekend has probably been one of the scariest and dizzying roller coaster rides in recent memory and likely in my life, and I’m kind of a wreck on the inside as a result. There’s too much to say in one post so I’ll probably have to split it up. Let me elaborate from the beginning.

Friday was my friend H’s birthday and we had all chipped in so she would have a good time. We had a champagne toast before dinner and went out to a Thai restaurant. We went back to campus afterwards, enjoyed cake (red velvet, which still scares me even if it does taste pretty good) and then the libations began flowing in her room. Mark had bought plenty of drinks for us and we played a few rounds of kings with Franzia and vodka which was fun but got boring after a while. I don’t why I drank so much Franzia as it tasted like a hybrid of diluted Welch’s grape juice with a splash of Burnett’s added for fun.

Sorry for going off track.

H was getting pretty drunk and was being kind of reckless with her drinking, purposefully losing rounds of Kings so she could have more. Around 11, Mark had to go to a Student Senate party and he could bring a handful of us with him. Apparently Mark convinced H to go by telling her Maudry was kicking her out of the room in order to hook up with a guy (not true). It ended up being me, Mark, H and another girl Nel who went to the party which was a couple of blocks away.

H was getting increasingly uncomfortable the entire walk over and kept wanting to turn back. She kept saying how everyone abandoned her and weren’t her true friends even though they simply didn’t feel like going out and that Mark could only bring a certain amount of poeple. Nel and I convinced her each time to at least stick around for a little while more and we eventually got her inside. It was a small gathering as Mark had said and while he went off talking to the other senators, Nel, H and I stood to the side until H said she wanted to go again. Nel and I walked her over to the living room where she began to get very upset that she wasn’t having a good time and just wanted to go to bed. I went to go talk to Mark about trying to get the others to come talk to her and make her feel better but unknown to me, as we were talking, H had convinced Nel to leave and they slipped away unnoticed.

By this point I was upset because H was an emotional mess and I felt horrible for having unintentionally abandoning her. Since they left, only me and Mark were left at the party, alone in the living room trying to figure out what to do. In a matter of seconds however our conversation slipped from H to Mark telling me that he didn’t want a relationship yet but still being physically attracted to me. After a brief back and forth, we found ourselves behind a corner of a wall making out like it was nobody’s business. When we pulled ourselves apart, he told me he would text me when he got back to the dorm. He had to go back to the other senators and I went back to the dorms.

I found Nel and the others in my friend L’s room and she was still visibly upset. I talked to her for a second before she left to talk to Nel in her room. I stayed in L’s room for a while and told them about what happened during the walk which upset them and became one of the main topics of conversation. For about two hours we sat and talked in the common room before Mark came back from the multiple parties he ended up attending that night. He went to hang out with his friends for a while before I split off and went back to my room.

He came up after a while and after an exchange of “hi”s we starting going at it. This was the first time I had hooked up with anyone since the end of October and the last person I hooked up with was Mark again, before I became an emotional wreck over him. During and after we were hooking up, we talked about how a hookup can just be a hookup and that we should just leave it at that. He wasn’t in to hooking up too often but said he wouldn’t mind getting together occasionally for some fun. I obviously agreed, and at that note we said goodnight.

When my roommate came back, I told him I thought he knew who I was with. After some prodding, he guessed Mark and I told him yes. I asked if he was okay with it and being the chill guy he is, he said of course and that was that. Mind you, he hadn’t had a thing to drink all night so this wasn’t some drunken exchange, well at least on his end. Coming out to him this way probably wasn’t the best idea in the world but the fact that it turned out as well as it did makes me feel better.

The next day I went home to meet up with Maria for lunch and to hang out and I told her about what had happened and my worries about what’s next. If you guys knew about my situation with Mark back in the fall, you know I fell for him and fell for him hard. In fact, I only recently got over him and accepted the fact that we probably wouldn’t go any further than just being friends. I still question today though whether I really did get over him all the way. I realize I most likely still do harbor residual feelings for him and always will. After getting together with him again, I worry that it will be the October fiasco all over if I become emotionally attached again, which, to be honest, is a very real possibility.

Yes, I would love a relationship, and yes I would love for that to be with Mark, but I know that won’t happen, at least for a long while. I’m trying to keep what I have with Mark as light on the emotional baggage as possible while letting the physical run rampant. Maria said that getting back together with Mark would be bad for me on many levels and I can see where she is coming from since I’ve told her almost everything and she knows me better than I know myself.
Another thing that worries me is that Mark can be rather hedonistic at times and he’s said he wouldn’t mind “being a piece of ass” for the senior guys over at where he works. That shouldn’t bother be since it’s his life and he can do whatever he wants, but it’s something that’s sticking in my head more than it probably should.

What I want to do is seemingly impossible- get together with a guy I had fallen head over heels with on a exclusively just for fun basis. The only advantage I have on my side that I didn’t before is that I know this time that I shouldn’t pursue him like I did before. Back then I thought I had a chance with Mark, but now I know better. As long as I keep that fact in my mind I think I should be fine and be able to just enjoy the moment. I think.

If you’ve gotten to this point, thanks, this was a terribly long post. I just really needed to get this off my chest. Plus, I promise my Saturday story is even worse (better?).

Yikes, I’m scaring myself just thinking about it.

All the best,

JP