So I found out one of the guys I've been talking to on Grindr is actually one of my friends. I know without a doubt it's him and he knows the guy he's been talking with is me. I'm not terribly surprised this guy was into guys in retrospect but he's really closeted and I think he might be really freaked out right now that I found out in the way I did.
We haven't spoken since this incident occured a few hours ago.
This is awkward....
Happy Thanksgiving!
3 weeks ago
IOW he knows it's you; you know it's him; but he doesn't know you know it's him?
ReplyDeleteIDK, but I think keeping up the pretyense that you don't know will be , as you say, awkward, and ultimately useless. I think it will be better in the long run for him to have you as a friend who knows than as one he's closeted from. It's kinda like what the Jesuits use as one way of making decisions: if you look at it from the perspective of the end of your life, would you want him never to have known that you know, to have gone through life without ever having the support you could have given?
I'm not sure how you go about telling him. But if you decide to, I think the most important thing is to promise that his secret is safe with you. Be very clear on that. Also be sure to let him know that you value his friendship as much as ever.
Perhaps you might want to wait a bit, since he knows it's you, and see if he says anything irl. If he does, that could be your chance to put all the cards on the table.
But I don't know the whole story here, so you've got to decide whether you can reveal what you know without adverse consequences.
LOL! That happened to me too. A guy contacted me on grindr and was like, "don't I know you?"
ReplyDeleteI immediately found it suspect because he might just post up flyers telling everybody I'm gay because I'm looking for hookups on grindr. Despite being out, it's still a legitimate fear. Anyways, he sends me a picture of him, he had a piece of fabric for his profile, and surprised to see that it was the guy I spent most of my freshman year with...in his room...nothing happened.
That's pretty weird. But it will probably be better if you both talked it out....still it's definitely awkward.
ReplyDeleteNot really a big deal; simply reassure him that this matter is confidential cos that is what he is worried about. He might actually feel relieved to know someone who understands. - Wayne :)
ReplyDelete