Tequila

Fucking epic day....I just wish I remembered more of it.

Letters That Will Never Be Sent

Dear Y,

Sorry, you really aren't that funny and really don't like you that much. I smile and occasionally feign a giggle to be courteous, but in reality I can't get over the fact that you look like that troll face meme; seriously, it's uncanny. I honestly don't understand how or why everyone would be so obsessed with you. Your sarcasm is bordering annoying and your "humour" doesn't make sense half the time. I seriously can't believe how much you look like that creepy ass meme, I sense a Halloween costume coming up. Also, stop talking about politics and how the world is going into ruin because of Jersey Shore and Donald Trump at the dinner table, really? really? Calm the hell down.

Regards,

JP

_________________________

Dear U,

Get off your man period and stop being a pissy, moody teenage girl. It's starting to get on my nerves. I don't know if I did something to offend you or anything but you seriously need to quit it with the one word answers and cold shoulder treatment. Tomorrow is University Day, we'll all be drunk off our asses tomorrow so please, some civility between us in the mean time would be greatly appreciated. I don't intend to apologize for anything if that's what you're hoping for, mostly because I don't know what I would even apologize for.

Sincerely,

JP

__________________________

Dear G,

I kind of want to hook up with you before the year is over. We've locked eyes a few times and I see you all the time, but we never really were friends, mostly acquaintances. Probably the longest conversation we had was at the beginning of the year that one night when we were still new and tipsy, going from apartment to apartment looking for places to go and things to see. I see you at the gym relatively often and would like to see the results of all those hours of cardio and lifting. So what do you say, you game for some fun?

Best,

JP

_______________________

Dear I,

Yes, I am gay if that is what you were wondering during last night's interview. I kind of want to know what you were circling so furiously on your note pad too last night. You didn't really say much but I did notice you staring at me during the entire interview. I don't want to pull a Mark and get with a senior staffer for a position on the board though. If you could convince the rest however to give me a position, it would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

JP

_________________________________

Dear W,

I honestly have no idea why you're with that guy. You're a nice girl; you're funny, considerate, so why would you be with him? I wouldn't say this to you in person but you seriously could do better. He's a douche, rude as fuck, crude and overall not the kind of guy you need. Sorry if that hurts, but it's true. If you're using him for his dick or something well that's up to you, but I can guarantee you in a few years, you're probably going to look back on this whole relationship and wonder why you ever did what you did.

Cheers,

JP

_____________________________

I must say, it feels nice to get all that off my chest.

What Could Have Been

Have you ever felt out of place before? You get that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach which makes you uneasy and feel like everyone is watching your every step and breath you take. It's strange and also kind of scary to realize that classes end in only two days for me and then all that stands between me and the end of my first year of college are a few finals. Comparing how things were in high school and now shows brings into view things that should have been obvious form the get go, yet still makes me feel uneasy all the same.

Probably something that I realize which made me feel rather uneasy is how competitive things have been for the few months I've been here. Back in high school things were different to say the least. I was in the top 5% of my class, maybe even in the top 15 or 20 students in the class of 2010 but now the playing field has changed drastically. I may have graduated with the cords, plaques, seals and medals that many others have but our backgrounds and level of work to get all of these is so different from my peers. While I came from a public school, and a pretty competitive one at that, the majority of people I know come from high level private schools where the expectations were likely higher than I had ever experienced. With graduating class sizes of 40, 30 or even 20, a quarter of which are sent to Ivy League schools or Tier 1 private universities, compared to my class size of over 600 and what was considered a great year when maybe a dozen made it to the Ivies, it's a big difference to say the least.

I've talked about this back in the beginning of the year in September or maybe October; I needed to adjust my expectations for myself. I knew I wouldn't be able to pull off the straight A's, 4.4 GPA and juggle extracurriculars like I used to, but just how much I would have to adjust my expectations hadn't become apparent to me until recently. While previously at the top, I'm now middling at best, and likely at the lower range of middling in all honesty. This semester I'm hoping to pull off 3 Bs and maybe, just maybe, two As. Seeing people seemingly float through classes I'm struggling in is like getting a cup of ice water thrown in my face every day; it's a daily wake up call for me and something I'm still not completely used to. My mom has always told me to just do my best and be proud of your work, no matter that grade you get or what other people have to say about it. I work hard and push myself like I always have, sometimes the expectations are just higher than you expect.

It's also fun in some convoluted way to think how if I did go to some of the other state schools I got accepted to how things would be different. I'd probably be closer academically to where I was in high school and I would still see many of my old friends, yet looking at everything I've experienced here in D.C. I also see how I would have been so sheltered. You don't know what you would be missing until after you've experienced it first hand and look back at the memories you've created. Still, I wonder how things would be different. Would it have been easier? simpler? more interesting? less interesting? What would I be like if I hadn't met Maudry, Mark, Liz and the countless others who I'm close friends with now?

Even with the difficulties however, I don't regret one bit choosing to go to the school I'm attending. I've met some great people, made friends with people from all kinds of backgrounds and have had some surprisingly good professors. Plus, even if I'm close to home, I still feel like I'm a world away. It's like beyond the front gates exists a whole new land, oceans and plains away from Northern Virginia even I really am just a metro ride away. It's the little touches that put the icing on the metaphorical cake that is my college experience to far.

Yeah, I've had my breakdowns, my triumphs and my "what the fuck?" moments but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I regret nothing.

JP

Fuck Yeah Happy

I've linked things to this blog before but I still can't stress how much I love it:

fuckyeahhappy.tumblr.com

Enjoy and Happy Easter guys!

With love from New York,

JP

Weirdo

Yes, I'm kinda really weird at times, and I have my quirks when it comes to things I like, dislike and occasionally get really obsessed about. I also have some things about myself that I just don't really share with others for one reason or another. Maybe it's time for y'all to learn a little more about my cooky side. Don't judge.

1. I'm more of a Southern boy on the inside than I'm willing to admit. I use "Y'all" in everyday conversation and could live off fried chicken, greens, and mashed potatoes. Plus, I find a light southern twang of an accent really attractive.

2. I will eat almost anything with hot sauce. I've doused entire breakfasts with hot sauce, put it on sanwiches and even straight onto bread. It's delicious. I do have a high spice tolerance which probably helps but what can I say, I like it hot.

3. Nerdy things excite me, like, a lot. I recently found someone who makes periodic table of elements cufflinks. and I'm seriously considering getting a set. I've also considered getting beakers to use as pencil holders and in my sophomore year of high school I made a Pi Day shirt with the first 20 digits painted in yellow on the back of a black t-shirt. Yeah, I was that cool.

Zachary Quinto: one hot ass nerd



4. If I could change one thing about me it would be either to get rid of my allergies or my lactose intolerance. Currently all the pollen in the air is making me miserable; I'm sneezing, my eyes itch like none other and my nose is stuffed, but the fact that I can't have more than a glass of milk a day sucks year 'round. I know soy and other random kinds of milk exist but it's not the same, no matter how much you can try and convince me. Lactose free milk also just tastes off to me, so no.

5. For the longest time a few years ago I thought Tory Belleci from the Mythbusters was pretty hot; come to think of it, I still do.

Tory Belleci, also a hot (science-y) nerd

6. I will take any excuse to dress up. Why else did I go to the IRC formal? Well, maybe not only to dress up, but it did play a role. Suits look good on guys and sometimes it's just fun to wear a suit just to mak eyourself feel good. Nothing wrong with that.

7. I secretly want to own a truck one day. A V8 and four wheel drive are a must.

8. If I learned one thing from modeling in the Spring Fashion show, it would be that looking "moderately displeased" has a very wide and rather hilarious range of intepretations.

9. I get easily annoyed if others overlook details and have to scramble last second to fix something, same goes with last minute changes of plans.

10. I fully intend to buy a 1993-1994 Volvo 940 when I have the money (hopefully by the end of summer?). I have no idea why I love those old brick shaped cars, let alone something so associated with early 90's suburban soccer mom culture. Neverthless, I think they're charming and attractive in an unexplainable way. Plus, they're durable as hell, reliable, and easy to work on which I intend to take advantage on and learn more about how engines work and maintaining one.

Boxy, but good

So yeah, some little known facts about me. I have plenty more things that are kind of out there but I'll save those for another day. Easter break has finally started and I leave for New York tomorrow so I hope to put on some pictures as soon as I can. Enjoy your week guys.

All the best,

JP

Final Stretch

Weekend Update:

Friday: (repost)
-went home and got dinner with Maria at Eden Center
-We ate at this Vietnamese restaurant, the Pho was okay, kinda bland but the spring rolls were delicious
-Bought asian desserts and banh mi sandwiches at a bakery and made crude jokes
-went back to her house, we watched a Brazilian telenovella dubbed in Spanish that takes place in India
-All I know is that a train exploded and there is a misidentified body involving a polo player
-We then watched Ghost Hunters, not creepy at all and I fell asleep on her chair
-Went home, fell asleep on the couch until 4AM and then crawled to bed

Saturday:
-Got a hair cut and went back to campus
-Studied for my accounting exam for a few hours and then got ready for an International Relations Club formal
-Met up with some friends on the first floor and headed over to the venue
-I ate half my weight in chocolate, there was a massive chocolate fondue pot
-Danced to a mix of top 40, techno and dubstep until 11
-Went back to my dorm to take a break and then headed to the afterparty
-First batch of jungle juice was disgusting mango flavoured stuff, the cranberry one was much better
-Ran into Liz and a few other people, Prefrosh accepted applicant overnighters were with them
-Found out the kid was also going to be in the Business School, score!
-Was getting pretty tipsy, my friend A was pointing out all the gay guys at the party
-Got some beer from the keg, did a sake bomb
-I was pretty drunk and enlisted the help of A to help introduce me to this one guy, I find out he's a senior
-Aborted the plan in the end, he was kinda short (shorter than me)
-Went out to get 2AM pizza, I bought two for some reason being the fiscally responsible drunk I am
-On the walk back I complained how the business school has the stigma of being lazy bums which is totally not true and annoys the hell out of me
-Get back to the dorm and devour the first massive slice
-I go to bed

Sunday:
-Wake up and immediately start studying accounting for my exam Monday
-Studied more accounting, and more, and more
-And more.
-Went to bed...exciting day, I know

Monday:
-Woke up early and took the practice exam again
-Skipped my Ethics to study a little more
-Went to Sociology only to find out my really nice but teaching inept professor talk about her rabies bitten cat being finally let out of Katine after six months tomorrow (Tuesday)
-Accounting was cancelled because of the exam so me and a few people went out to indulge in some greasy goodness and order take out chicken wings, fries and soda
-Accounting exam was in a conference on an 80 foot long elliptical table, it was weird, but the chairs were so comfortable
-Surprisingly got an answer for every question, whether the work is right or not is another question. I was surprisingly calm compared to other people
-Went to the gym for one and a half hours, I erged, lifted and did some ab work. I felt less guilty about the chicken wings
-Came back and started my Business Stat homework over a Whiskey Palmer (1 part whiskey, six parts Arnold Palmer over ice, delish)
-Around 3:30 I was done with work and ate that second slice of pizza I bought while watching Good Eats on my computer, guilt came back haha
-Finally went to bed.

Yeah, so my weekend had quite a strange mix of activities but a boy's got to have some time. Work Hard, Play Harder, no? Tomorrow is my last day of classes before Easter break, mom's picking me up and then Thursday night I'm off to visit my friend Christine up in New York for a few days; it's going to be sick! I'm taking a bus but it supposedly has Wifi and that jazz but I'll probably just sleep. I just finished applying to work at a few local Starbucks' over the summer, their application was half resume stuff and half personality exam, makes sense since it's just an interaction-heavy job but still kinda weird. I also finished my app to be on the Board of Directors of a social entrepreneurship club on campus and signed up to be a move-in aid some fall which lets me move in early and beat the rush and a free T-shirt, score!

Other things making me happy - Glee is back tonight! Yes! I know what I'm doing tonight.

Have a good one guys,

JP

High Expectations

lolz

Friday

Instead of staying for one of the the biggest all-night campus events of the year I went home, ate Vietnamese food with Maria, had Asian desserts, watched a Brazilian telenovella dubbed in Spanish which takes place in India, asked Maria what was going on, still didn't understand said telenovella, watched Ghost Hunters, and fell asleep on the couch before waking up at 4AM and crawled into bed.

I regret nothing.

First my computer has the equivalent of a stroke and almost dies and then the council liason has the audacity to lie to my face and say a notice to vote was sent out eventhough I have proof from over ten people that that is false. I contacted one of the other candidates who is now helping my cause in tying to debunk what was/is going on behind closed doors. This whole day has been absolutely ridiculous but that won't stop me from pursuing my goals.

I accept your challenge, assholes, and i'll take it all the way to the top if necessary.

This is War

As I mentioned a few posts back, I was running for my Business School's Student Senate position. The vote was to be held online via electronic ballot and the results were ot be tallied up and the winners determined as such. When the day to vote came around, there were plenty of technical difficulties involving the ballot not working and as a result having things being postponed further and further. After that initial debacle, we recieved an email telling us to stop trying to vote until the ballot was fixed and that the student body would receive an email telling them when voting would be back on. Well, we never got an email and I just continued to suspect that maybe things were still being worked out behind closed doors - technology can be a bitch as we all probably know. Imagine my surprise then when I checked my email inbox declaring that everyone who ran got "reelected by us" with a "traditionally excellent vote turnout" (sarcasm, please do note).

I immediately started asking everyone I knew in the business school whether they ever got the chance to vote in this election or ever got an email saying the ballot was fixed. The response was a universal "no". I went back to the old email sent out earlier in the week with the broken link to the ballot to find it was fixed - must have been recently since one of my friends tried to vote as late as Thursday, well past the original deadline. So someone, pray tell, explain to me how an election as ridiculous and disrespectful to the seven candidates who ran as this should stand, let alone be considered fair?

I've already emailed the president of the council and have requested a new ballot and vote to be held. If needed I will contact the deans to fix this. This is war; not war over winning or losing, but war over the right to have a fair election and for everyone who has the right to vote be able to vote.

Five

I felt like a five year old all over again. I felt the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin, and the grass between my toes. I heard the carefree laughter of kids with no worries about tomorrow and I felt the butterflies in my stomach from going higher and faster in a swing.

I heard the clicking of bike wheels as I cruised along the waterfront past one monument and then another; it had been six years since I'd been on a bike.

I played catch, swung from the money bars, and ate fro yo with tart mangos and talked about how if adults just indulged their inner child, everyone would be happier.

Thursday was possibly one of the best days of my life, and tonight, I'm going to have fun. Few forces in nature are stronger than the determination of a child to have fun.

My inner five year old approves.

JP

A Boy and His Toys

It's been a while since I bought some shiny new piece of technology for me to play around with a while, but today the postman delivered my newest toy.

I bought myself a pair of Sennheiser HD 202 II headphones form NewEgg a few days ago and they finally arrived. I had a pair of HD 201s back at the beginning of the that I promptly broke three weeks in. Since then I've been stuck using my old ear buds that came with my iPod which in overall quality isn't bad for earbuds, but I missed the deep bass and high quality sound of a good pair of over the ear headphones, so you can guess I tried them out right when I got back to my room.

Oh my Jesus I've been deprived for the past few months. I put on a mix of songs including some dubstep, a mashup, Fall Out Boy and Katy Perry's ET to test a variety of genres and I'm hearing parts of songs I never even knew existed, it's brilliant.

Seriously, if you don't own a pair of nice headphones I really suggest spending some money and getting a pair. Artists put a lot of work into their music and it would be a real shame if you're missing out because the subtleties are lost because of your low quality headphones. I recommend using Amazon or NewEgg.com for your technology needs, they tend to be the cheapest plus if you have Amazon Prime like I do, many things have free two-day shipping. Same goes with NewEgg, they have free shipping and they will eat the tax for you which is ballin by any standard.

Here's a song I tested my new headphones with-


Kap Slap - Illmerican Blow (Illmerica mashup)

Studying is going to be so much more fun now.

All the best,

JP

Impulse

One of my friends got a temple piercing on a whim this afternoon; she had gone in to get a tattoo but left with the piercing instead. It wasn't something she had been planning to do for a while; she had been wanting yet another tattoo but she changed her mind last minute. Befor eyou ask, it does look good but I could only imagine what could possess someone to do something like that out of thin air. It isn't like buying a Snickers bar at the checkout line or spontaneously deciding to go for a walk, no it was getting a piercing on your face....I mean really?

I still don't understand her rationale but it got me thinking about my own life. If you were to observe my life on film it really does look like a rerun playing over and over again. It's the same schedule, wake up, shower, go to class, eat lunch, more class, dinner, find a breakout room and study until 3AM and then go to bed only to have it repeat the next day, and the next, and the next. Maybe I'll toss in a trip to the gym for shits and giggles. I envy her ability to give in to impulse, to say "why not?" when life entices her with something new and exciting.

It's disturbingly sad how bland my routine actually is. I've become accustomed to the familiar; in reality it's something I enjoy, but now it's not just familiar anymore....it's boring. I'm not a risk taker for the most part but I don't want this pattern to set in and end up 20 years from now being stuck day in and day out in a computer terminal analyzing balance sheets and entering data into spreadsheets. That's not what I want my life to be.

I'm craving excitement, the unexpected, the "what the fuck?" moments that have been absent from my life as of late. Whenever I've done something on a whim, it's always been do something something else that's still safe and familiar to me - going home for a weekend, going on an impromptu walk down M St, it's just so....expected. I want to go on an adventure. I want to feel my heart race from the anticipation of going somewhere new, somewhere dangerous, somewhere where few would consider seeing. I want to do something brash, something that will leave others scratching their heads and thinking "wow, I didn't expect that". I don't intend to do anything which could harm myself but something that will give me that spine tingling pleasurable adrenaline rush.

Once tomorrow is over I would have turned in my last paper for the week and finally be free for a few days. I want to go on an adventure this weekend. Mom wants me to meet with dad to work on FAFSA but his taxes won't be done, I know that. This weekend holds so many possibilities and experiences just waiting to be discovered; I don't intend to waste them this time. I've been waiting too long for some excitement, maybe what I need to do is find it rather than waiting for it to find me. Hmmmmm.

The Return of Southern Charm

I went home yesterday to take a breather from campus life and visit my old crew team at a regatta they had today; It was like a trip down memory lane- going back just one year but seeing everything from a completely different point of view. I was merely an observer.

I went out to dinner with mom when I first got off the metro, just the two of us. The topic of my dad never once came up, it surprised me to say the least, but in a good way. It was nice to just talk over school, catching up on family gossip about my cousins, and my mom rather embarrassingly printing out many of the fashion show photos I sent to her over authentic and tongue numbingly spicy Chinese food. We went to a restaurant we used to go to almost every two weeks, but neither of us had gone to since I started school in September.

I spent that night not doing anything – probably not a very good idea when I have two essays I need to write in the span of (now) one and a half days. I know, it’s bad of me. I shouldn’t be writing this either, but it relaxes me. When I woke up at 7:30 to my alarm, I immediately fell back asleep. I was supposed to go watch the Varsity 1st 8 race in their heat at 9ish but I was too tired. By the time I got out of bed, showered and left it was 9:45. I arrived at the reservoir to a familiar sights: trailers and slings of sleek racing shells, people decked out in their school colours, and the love it or hate it sight of spandex unis. Approaching my high school’s boat house, I was greeted by the sight of people I hadn’t seen in almost a year, many of who are now seniors, hearing back from colleges and trying to fight through a few more months of school before moving on to the next chapter of their lives.

I saw the familiar tent and table of regatta day food, which having not eaten breakfast before leaving, I greedily attacked. As I said hi and talked to more and more of my old teammates, I felt constantly distracted. Yeah, I missed the other guys, but I was looking for one guy in particular – Southern Charm. When I went to visit the team in the winter when they still had land practice, he was missing which saddened me. After asking someone if he was there, I walked into the boat house again.

At first I didn’t even recognize him, either he hadn’t grown taller or maybe I grew myself. His hair was longer and his skin was more tanned since I last saw him, but the longer I looked at him, the familiarity came back to me: his soft blue eyes, his slightly wavy brown hair and his goofy grin whenever he laughed. “JP! How are you!?” he shouted. We bro-bumped and talked for a while. He had been curled in a sleeping bag unnoticed when I first walked through. We talked about his senior year, how his classes were going, his college plans and the season so far. He told me the 1V placed first in their heat and were moving on to finals later on. He had heard back from all of his schools and was deciding between three. He still worked at the sub shop where I once visited him last summer. It was nice talking to him again; he was still as down to earth and happy as I remembered him. The whole time I couldn’t help remembering him writing “You were my first friend when I joined the crew team, I really appreciate and won’t forget that” in my yearbook before I left during our meeting.

Soon it was time for him to go race in the finals along with the rest of the guys and I made my way to the grand stands. The trail that winds along the coast of the reservoir hadn’t changed one bit – I reached one inlet where I used to always ponder why they hadn’t built a bridge to bypass it and to make things easier than having to walk an extra quarter mile, yet that bridge still, and probably will never exist. When I got to the grandstands it struck me again that this time I was just another observer. For two years, I was one of the people on the water, hearing the cheering from the shore in the final 250 meter sprint to the finish line, but now the roles reversed. When the 1st 8 came into view, it had begun to pour cold rain; they were fighting for second when in the last 15 strokes another boat pulled ahead and pushed us to third. It was a good race which left me nostalgic of the days when I was part of the team. I missed the feeling of simulated flying, the sound of the water rushing under me, the solid thunk of the oar when everyone feathered, and the lightness in my seat when I dropped the blade in for a stroke. They say once you do crew it’s impossible to get it out of your system, it’s in your blood; well, I found out that was true today.

When I got back to the boat house, they were moving the shell up the hill back to the boat house. I ran into SC and congratulated him for a good job and a good race. He complained of how it was probably the coldest, most uncomfortable race he had ever been in and how he couldn’t feel his hands as he laughed. His dad was on the hill and I left when he went to go talk with him. By then it was almost 1:30 and I had to get home. I said goodbye to the guys and saved SC for last. While the other guys said goodbye with a handshake which I offered to him as well, SC went in for a hug instead; it was cute. Southern Charm always had been more affectionate than the other guys, one of the reasons I thought he could have been something other than straight but was something I put behind since I graduated. I told him I’d probably go to some future regattas and would hopefully see him again. He just smiled again with that warm, goofy grin and we parted ways. I really do hope to see him again.

The sun was coming back out again when I left, strange when it was pouring and hailing just 45 minutes prior. The regatta would be going for a few more hours but I didn’t want my stay to be too long.

It’s scary to think just how fast time is moving. In a little more than a month I’ll be done with my first year of college. The year flew by too fast; there wasn’t nearly as much time as I wanted or needed to accomplish everything I wanted. I had made a master list of goals for the year back in August; I feel I got through less than half since then. Sure, I’ve met many new people and tried many new things, I but I still don’t think I’ve defined myself as who I want to be yet. I still feel the weight of trying to fit the mold others had created for me based on their few months of knowing me. That’s not who I truly am, and I don’t think they recognize that yet. I guess that’s why college is four years or more rather than one.


The Fray - Over My Head.  Another song from my youth

It’s Saturday night and that would normally mean it’s time to get out and have fun but tonight I’m a slave to my Ethics paper. Writing about Immanuel Kant isn’t something particularly enjoy to say the least but I made a new playlist to work to and help me make it through the night. Love you college, truly.

All the best,

JP