Mon Dieu!

What to do. what. to. do.

I’ve got a dilemma on my hands, something that’s been bugging for quite some time now, and it’s only getting worse as school approaches closer. The dilemma involves my roommate and telling him about my sexuality. It’s kinda sad how this is actually such a big deal and how much stress it’s causing me but I digress. So as you guys do or do not know, doesn’t matter now, I’ve been talking to my roommate for some time now. He’s awesome, essentially a more athletic, black version of me. He loves to laugh and even though we haven’t met, we’ve been talking about all sorts of things and have room planning all under control. And yes, he’s straight and he has a girlfriend who I said wouldn’t mind having over from time to time and that I’ll respect their privacy if they respect mine.

Awesome then, right? Well, if you’ve followed my journey through my roommate search process, you possibly know of my difficulties finding a roommate. My school has a “roommate dating service” where you fill out a questionnaire about yourself and can anonymously chat with possible close matches. Well, the first two people I chatted with didn’t work out so well. Actually, the first guy went really well at first, we chatted and found out we had a ton in common, he even talked about his family and little siblings. But as time wore on, the time came where I felt like I should tell him about me being gay. Well, I got a clue about his possible reaction when I found out that he was a devout Catholic and went to Catholic Prep School but I decided to take my chances. Well, I messaged him in a rather long winded manner that I’m gay but it isn’t a defining feature and all that jazz, but after a few days of no response I sorta got the idea…we were through. Understandable, but it hurt nevertheless.

Number two went along the same path, things looked good and I tried to possibly softening the blow by telling him I was bi instead, well that didn’t work either lol.

Finally, there were a few final guys but I’ll skip those until we reach my current roommate. He was also a cool guy but this time, I made no mention of my sexuality, the deadline was approaching quickly and I really wanted this whole debacle to be over with. Fast forward a few months and we end at the present day. I’ve ignored the elephant in the room but now it’s time to face the issue, at least in the near future. So I don’t really know how to tell him. I feel like he deserves to know and so does my best friend Maria. I don’t feel like being upfront about it will work too well, it will probably freak him out more than anything. I could also leave subtle hints, like about how I support gay marriage and am taking part in a LGBT-oriented orientation presentation. Another possibility is that I could chicken out and tell him through some long winded letter. Then again, I could just not tell him, but that leaves open the possibility of him finding out from someone else, or even worse finding me with some guy...in the dorm. To my knowledge he isn’t a terribly religious person, he went to a public school like me and he grew up in the area as well, hopefully that could play into my favour. In spite of all of this though, I don’t know what to do. I feel lost.

So I ask for your advice,

What should I do?
Qu’est-ce que je dois faire?
¿Qué debo hacer?

All the best,

He Proposed to Me!

I have a roommate!!!!!!

Wooo!!

We initially met over the CHARMS roommate "dating service" thing but we've talked on Facebook for a little while now. He's actually from the area which is cool. He ran cross country at his high school and plans on studying psychology. We share so many personality traits it's kinda scary lol. We both like to laugh, cook and share the same "work hard, play harder" mentality which I was really looking for, and today he asked if I wanted to be roommates.

Of course I accepted!

About my roommate, he's bi....lingual (English and French) and the other bi as well. Bicultural I mean, he's half French and half Black. He's also an only child like me. He's very athletic and plays soccer and runs in his spare time, hopefully I can try and keep up with him. And because I'm sure I've irked you enough now with this whole "bi" business, I'll let you know he's straight and has a girlfriend he plans to bring over from time to time.

I don't really want to give away too much but I'm really happy I've found a roommate at last, tomorrow is the deadline for finding one too. After tomorrow, the school matches people up.

I really could dance right now, and I think I just might :D

I hope you had a most excellent weekend,

JP

And the Search Goes On

So I realize I came down as a bit harsh yesterday on the whole "close match" situation. I've checked again today and he hasn't responded back so I think the whole thing is over. I'm not angry in a sense but more frustrated and somewhat upset about the situation. Given what he hold me about his upbringing I guess it would make sense that he would probably be uncomfortable rooming with a gay guy. He seemed like such a nice person and I'm sure he is, so, if I do meet him I hope we can still be friends.

With this, I'm continuing on my search for a roommate. I've contacted three other people and I hope they'll respond back. One of them outright said he was gay in his profile and says he's "eclectic" which I will be asking him to expand on later if he responds but we share a good bit in common so we'll see how it turns out. I labeled him as "eclectic gay" in my CHARMS contacts. The other person I've contacted is a bit more athletic, he plans to get more involved but he seems to be pretty study oriented as well. He wants to go out and explore the city however which I would gladly oblige to do (hey, I'm an area native, it's practically my duty). I nicknamed him "sporty". The final guy I messaged was this really fun sounding guy. He also is rather laid back but he seems to like to have fun and balance that with studying it as well. He's a 6'3" unicycle rider which is freaking awesome. I labeled him as "fun guy"

I know, those are some of the stupidest names of all time but they get the point across and I can easily tell who's who at least.

Well, wish me luck. Hopefully I can avoid a "close match" debacle repeat.

All the best,

JP

"Close Match"

Finding a roommate is normally a random process. If you go to a school where you can request a specific person then power to ya, but part of college is to meet new people, and a roommate is a good place to start.

At my university, there's a roommate matching program that's pretty unique. It's called CHARMS (stands for something, I swear) and it's the official "roommate search/dating service". Humourous description for sure. How it works is that you first fill out a questionnaire about your living preferences like when you like to go to bed, what volume of music you listen to, whether you mind sharing items etc. and then you're given a list of all your top matches.

When I was given my list of top roommates (annonymous, everyone is just a number), I messaged my top match who I nicknamed uncreatively "Close Match". We got to talking and he seems to be a very nice guy. He says he's originally from Arizona and is an outdoorsy type of person despite not having gone backpacking in a few years. We share a lot in common - be both like the same music, have the same sleep patterns and seemingly similar personalities.

As we've talked more, I've learned more about him, he has siblings and was raised a devout Catholic. Today, when I checked my messages I found out he even attended a Jesuit high school and he says his Catholic upbringing has strongly influenced his beliefs. When I heard this I became slightly concerned. You see, there isn't a question on the questionnaire about sexual orientation. I was going to mention that I was gay in the "additional information" section of my profile but I don't want people to judge me based only on that detail from the start so I decided to leave that out.

For some time now, I've been feeling that I'd like to be roommates with Close Match but now that I've learned about his beliefs I felt that it was the right time ot let him know. I guess I came out to him in my last message where I explained that I wasn't the stereotypical gay guy and all that so he wouldn't get uncomfortable if he would in the first place. At the end of my message, I asked him if that would be a deal breaker and if we do become roommates in the end, whether he would respect that or not. He usually responds the next day so I'll end up hoping he responds before I leave for my camping trip tomorrow at 2. Otherwise, I'll have to wait until Saturday and I don't think I'll be able to bear the anticipation if I had to wait until then.

I hope my impression of him as a nice, fair guy holds up because I'd really like Close Match to be my roommate.

All the best,

JP