I feel like I’m constantly in a dream-like state. It all seems fuzzy around the edges, the people, the feel of the wind on my skin, the sounds, everything feels dulled. I feel as if I'm not part of my life, but watching it play before me on a screen, vignetting and all for those photography inclined. The last two days came and went so quickly that barely anything has registered, yet in those two days yet so much has happened.
After my last class Thursday I went to walk around the neighborhoods surrounding campus for the first time since fall. I missed how tranquil it was, being able to have music quietly playing in my ears and taking in the brick row houses as the sun slowly sets. It was cold, but not an uncomfortable cold, but enough to keep you alert and let you know it really was winter. When I got back on campus, I laid down on a bench and just watched the sky change from blue, to navy and finally to black, it was about 6 when I finally went back inside. After dinner and going to the gym I found out I had made the first cut in the job I applied for, my interview is Sunday. I’m excited and nervous; I’ve never applied for a job before and I know I’m going up against people whose credentials and work experience far outpace mine. Another added stress is that I found out that Mark is one of my competitors for the job. He’s actually going for three jobs while I’m going for one. Hopefully we both get hired, but if I don’t, I probably will be disappointed but not crushed.
Thursday night we went out to the gay club for college night. It was a blast, Me, Mark, Maudry and a bunch of people from the first floor went and stayed from about midnight until 2. I danced with a guy who I recognized from campus but didn’t know the name of. He was cute and smelled like sex but he’s a senior. He’s a great dancer though haha, I got his name after we danced twice. As if the club itself wasn’t enough excitement for the night, when we left I thought I had lost my dorm and house key and had a panic for a while. When I got back to my room however I found my key, it turns out I had left it on my desk the whole time…fail.
I don’t have class Fridays so I just met people for breakfast this morning and ended up staying in the dining hall for two hours. My friend “A” had been trying to court Zach for quite some time and as usual he was there. A was worried though that Zach is uninterested or just really oblivious since she had been obviously very blatant about her intentions yet he doesn’t seem to be responding. Honestly I just think he’s a bit too intense with his studies and his love life has been put on the far back burner. That afternoon I went for another walk today but I cut it short since it was just too cold and windy today for another long walk. Tonight I spent the night with people from the 4th floor and we played Kart and watched The Hangover. It was good but while everyone was laughing I merely smiled for the most part. The humour in that movie just didn’t really appeal to me for some reason.
I don’t know what the rest of the weekend holds in store. Me and a few friends are going to Baked and Wired for a dinner and cupcake outing tomorrow night and I don’t know what I want to do for the night. Sunday will probably be spent excited/terrified until 2:40 when I have my interview. I want this job so bad! I must stay relaxed, I don’t think they want to hire a panicked mess which I am on the inside right now.
I think what’s causing me all this restless energy is just that it’s too much stuff all at once. Everything is moving so fast yet I don’t feel it. Being able to grasp the idea of time was one thing I always held on dearly to. It keeps be grounded, organized and comfortable, now that some of it has been removed I’m restless and anxious.
Nevertheless, it’s time to step up to the plate; problem is, I don’t know if I’m ready even though I know I need to be.
Wish me luck,
JP
Hookup: New York Moments Part 2
1 week ago
I think the best attitude to have when applying for work is that the worst they can say is no. Applying for more than one job increases the odds of landing one; you have the misfortune of looking for work when unemployment is running at 9-10% these days. A few years ago employers would have been begging you to take the job. Don't be nervous, just be sincere and make good eye contact during the interview. Tell them what they want to hear for the job you want. Don't go on about your intellectual prowess if you are applying for a hamburger flipping job lol.
ReplyDelete-You seem to have a rich social life, and going to a place where there were actual gay people was an impossible dream when I was your age. Like you, I too have the need to get outdoors occasionally for a few hours to feel like a human being again. bfn - Wayne :)