All Gay Guys Are Weaklings

Stereotypes fascinate me. I hate them as much as I want to learn more about them whenever I can. Being an amalgamation of many different minority and cultural groups (First generation Asian, Gay, only child and “Southern American” to name a few) I’ve personally heard and experienced many ideas and notions attributed onto me. What makes stereotypes so interesting to me is seeing the history of how the stereotype evolved, following it from its genesis to the present day. Many stereotypes that exist today have roots that date back decades or centuries, so the fact that such anachronistic notions can continue to exist and even thrive in the 21st century baffles and intrigues me.

Probably the most memorable experience I’ve had regarding stereotyping was when I was on the National Mall. I was with some of my friends when a Midwestern family approached me and the father asked me with a nasally drawl reminiscent of a congested elephant, “Doooo youuu knowww wu-aire-r theee Na-turr-ull Heee-stuuur-y Mu-see-um eees?” (translation – “do you know where the Natural History Museum is?”, one of the museums that is part of the Smithsonian complex that border the National Mall here in DC). After giving a blank stare back for a second in shock and the family exchanging a brief “maybe he doesn’t speak English” shrug, I responded with “It’s down the national mall and will be on your left; it’s the somewhat austere building with the grand stairway and the inevitable long line going down the sidewalk.” followed then by a laugh while the parents shuffled away somewhat flustered. The best part of that exchange however was the apology by the teenage daughter to me for her parents, apparently they do that all the time; that made me smile.

Thankfully that whole exchange ended on a positive note but that’s not how things always end. Since first coming out a few years ago, I’ve become increasingly interested in stereotypes that affect the LGBTQ community. I personally disagree with many stereotypes on a personal level because I feel that they don’t apply to me, yet I realize that every stereotype has some basis in truth so I also decided I should take a more objective approach to things as well.

The stereotypes I tend to focus on are those pertaining to gay males since I’m part of that group. I’ve narrowed it down to my top 5 stereotypes that I find to be the most important or influential for whatever reason. Yes, there are many, many more, but those will be relegated to another day or post.

Stereotype 1 – Gay men are promiscuous and only think about sex: True. As can be said of all adolescents, 99% of young adults and 98% of all other males. We're all horny mofos. Okay, so maybe not all the time but you get my point. Sex is in-built into the human mind; our biological goal in life is to pass on our genes to the next generation. It’s that drive that also explains why parents are willing to sacrifice their own lives for their children, why it’s been proven that men are more open to sexual encounters with multiple partners and why humans are constantly obsessing over physical attractiveness – it supposedly indicates fertility and “good genes”. Whether people want to admit it or not, we all think about sex every day, multiple times a day. So why is the gay community and specifically gay men attributed this stereotype above so many others? Well, like how when a celebrity eating a burger makes the front page or anything political gets blown out of proportion, I blame the media. We like to be shocked; the taboo draws our attention like a flame draws a fly to an impending doom, so when reporting on the gay community it’s not about community outreach or new businesses but the skin fest at clubs, drag queens and sex. It isn’t that prostitutes and promiscuity doesn’t exist in the heterosexual community, it’s just not equally acknowledged. Things have improved lately however, partially for good reasons partially for bad. The media has become more objective in their views but recently anything “gay” is about the fight for equal rights and unfortunately the suicides of gay teenagers. I have a feeling that this stereotype will continue well into the future but things are changing.

Stereotype 2 – Gay men are pansies: Okay, I won’t lie that I’ve known some pretty wimpy gay guys; guys who are afraid of the tiniest bugs, haven’t touched a piece of sports equipment in their lives and refuse to get a little dirty for the purpose of achieving some goal, but they are in a very small minority. I’ve met gay and bi football players, lacrosse players and I’m a former gay rower. Any sport requires more effort as well as mental and physical toughness than people seem to recognize, so calling those people pansies is just sad. Most gay guys I know also don’t blink an eye at spiders and bugs; sure, I’ll look and say “ew”, but I’ll then proceed to obliterate the bastard with a 10 lb. statistics textbook. The stereotype that gay guys are weaklings and pansies is mostly false in my mind. Sure, some gay guys might have differing interests but same can be said of any group, gay or straight.

Stereotype 3 – Gay guys have lisps, limp wrists and elbows and say “fierce” and “fabulous” a lot: Some guys do, but for the most part no. I don’t personally. I actually a bit of a vendetta against the world “fierce” since I heard it so much in middle school I wanted to plug my ears with wax. I will say that these traits are a good compass to finding very openly gay guys but for most guys, you will need to be much more perceptive, we all aren’t Christian Siriano. Moving on.

Stereotype 4 – Gay guys are obsessed with appearance: Okay, I’ll give way here somewhat. If I’m going out or meeting with friends I do like to make sure I look clean and well put together. I don’t obsess over small details but giving a good impression of myself is important to me. I don’t obsess much over the details though, mostly it’s things that I do as part of a normal routine; I want to be clean shaven, my hair to not be in disarray and my clothes to look like I didn’t just toss on what was on my bedroom floor (if I’m just hanging around at home all rules no longer apply lol). Obsess is a strong word for what I think is something that everyone should be doing anyways. Your appearance matters a lot, people judge you very heavily based on initial contact (It's called the primacy effect for those interested in Psychology) so looking put together is something that should be a second thought for everyone. It does seem that gay guys do place a greater emphasis on appearance though from what I’ve seen.

Stereotype 5 – Gays are horrible parents and are all child molesters: I grouped two stereotypes into one here because they are relatively closely linked. This stereotype bothers me the most out of all the ones given to the LGBTQ community. Many arguments have been made that gay families are dysfunctional or cannot effectively raise children because of the lack of a father or mother figure; well, that’s wrong in my mind. Saying that gay families can’t raise children for that reason means that single parents, many military families and some families with professional backgrounds that require constant travel also can’t properly raise children. Sure, a mom and a dad are good, but it isn’t the determining factor as to whether or not a child grows up to be “normal”. What’s more important is that children have a loving family and environment to grow up in regardless of the sexuality of those raising them. Having a stable family with two moms or two dads is infinitely better than a traditional heterosexual family that’s plagued with drug problems, feuding parents or even worse, apathetic parents. Studies have been conducted and have shown that children raised by gay families don’t turn out any different than those raised by heterosexual parents or turn out “gay” like some have suggested. The second part of this stereotype confuses me even more than the first. Yes, there are pedophiles who happen to be gay, but aren’t there straight pedophiles too? Why is this image placed on the gay community and not on the straight community? Pedophiles are pedophiles and they're disgusting no regardless. It’s likely due to the media in my mind but it’s something I want to look into some more historically.

These five stereotypes barely scratch the surface of ones that are given to LGBTQ folk but are just the ones I find to be most interesting for personal reasons. These were just my thoughts on some of these stereotypes and reflect only my personal views and convictions. Given how fascinating I think stereotyping is I’m contemplating turning this into a possible set of posts. I want to hear your opinions though; what do you think of some of the stereotypes I’ve mentioned and also those I have not? Are they justified? Which one do you like or dislike the most?

Keep it classy,

JP