What Sparks Joy?

I almost can't believe it's been nearly1 year since I started my new job. I still feel like I just started yesterday, but looking back, I've travelled across the country most a dozen times, seen numerous new cities, and worked with more people directly than I ever have before in the past 10 months...and it's exhausting just thinking about it.

I took this new job about 10 months ago because I wanted to learn new skills and experience life in a smaller company compared to where I was for 4 years prior. With that goal, I feel like I acheived them and more. I was told when I first started that the company expects a lot of its employees and that everyone upholds a do what it takes attitude. With that, I took the position by the reins and tried my best to dive right in. I basically own the marketing strategy for the division of the company I support, and over the past year, I've definitely had my ups and downs. I've pushed myself harder than I ever have before and as a whole, my manager and team seem happy with what I have been able to deliver to them. 

So I'm happy that I have been able to learn so much in the past year and have a supportive team, but that has come at a cost. I am nervous to even put this in writing, but I am starting to question if I want to stay in the job and my current career path. Let me explain.

My entire life since graduating college almost (gasp) 5 years ago, I have been working at the intersection of two areas - technology and the public sector. While I am blessed to have been successful working in jobs that intersect these two industries, I never truly had a deep rooted passion for either. Yes, I definitely find it interesting on occasion, but neither are areas where I can say I truly am invested in or can see myself supporting as a career for the long term. 

The root of my frustrations is around what I am able to do at work. Doing any form of creative or innovative marketing towards the government is stymed by rules and regulations, meaning while my peers are able to try new ideas and programs, I am stuck executing the same old programs over and over again not because I want to, but because I can't break free. Add onto that the fact that I find supporting government rather soul sucking only wearing me out quicker and quicker.

The more obvious answer to this is 'why not ask to switch teams?' - while that may make sense if I loved working in tech, I'm starting to have my doubts if I want to stay in tech, and especially big tech companies, long term as well. Yes, tech is the future; tech pays well; tech is the hot thing to be in, but after four years, I still just can't relate to it that gets be excited. Furthermore, the company I joined initially got acquired and now is part of one of the largest companies in the tech industry - and the integration has been without much direction, making me very nervous.

This past year is what really made me reflect on what I want to do with my career. I still want to do marketing, but I want to go into an industry that I am passionate about and interested in. I want to get out of tech and get out of marketing toward government and go towards a job where I am marketing towards consumers instead of businesses and on a topic that I care about and love.

As many of you may have noticed over the years, I love to cook and am fascinated with all things food. Now if, just if I can get a job in that industry, maybe I can be happy and passionate about what I do and feel truly invested in the impact of what I help bring to market. Working at a company as part of a consumer facing brand is a dream of mine. I love to learn about what makes people consider what they do, why they act and make the choices they make, and how I can help mold that. That fascination is what pushed me to major in marketing in school and pursue it as a career. The part where I get a job where I can practice, refine, and push towards that goal has escaped me so far.

I'm also afraid that I may be painting a picture of this ideal job and company that doesn't actually exist. I told my mom when I last saw her that I was scared that I would end up where I am now in another year even if I managed to find and accept this 'dream' job. I would be uncertain, unhappy, and wanting to make another move. What if the grass does always seem greener on the other side?

I just want to be happy and excited about my work - I want to do something in my life that makes me wake up in the morning and look forward to what the days has to bring. Hopefully one day that will happen.

In the meantime, out go the job applications one at a time.

All the best,

JP