Closet Case

I think I’ve mentioned Kevin in the past. You know, the junior-now-senior crew mate who I secretly think is gay and isn’t doing a very good job at convincing people otherwise? No? Well, for those who feel lost, I’ll recap.

Kevin is a guy I met about two years ago when I first joined the crew team at my high school. He was a weird jokester kind of dude, when I first met him he was greeting people with a heavy fake Scottish accent. Over time though I would become better friends with him and we were even in the same journalism class last year.

While not immediately, I later developed the impression that Kevin could be gay. He always dressed quite well, he liked his well fitted clothing, perfectly trimmed sideburns (sounds weird, but they work on him), organized hair and never left the house without a spray of his favorite cologne. Okay, so maybe he could just be metrosexual, that giant trend started by David Beckham and Ryan Seacrest (another closet case) back around 2005 or so. These alone thus can be discounted as irrelevant

But it wasn’t his well groomed appearance that led me to my suspicions though it probably did play a role, no, rather it always felt like he was overcompensating his manliness. I mean, he is a little on the shorter side so it could be the whole Napoleon complex deal but I doubt it. He always comments on girls making remarks like “damn, she’s got a nice ass” or point to a girl and say “JP, over there, rate on a scale of 1-10”. He also hangs out with some well known douches that do much of the same. He also watches/loves Jersey Shore, the biggest douche fest ever seen on television. Nuff said. Another hint is his need to tan. He got really giddy when a local tanning salon put out a 99 cent tan special for three days. He went twice. I never have known a guy who actually goes tanning for the heck of it.

But still none of this is really relevant, I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of guys who are just like Kevin who take care of themselves and GTL day and night. Well, I thought so until today. I was at a goodbye party for one of my friends who will soon be heading off to California for college where my friend “A” says she saw Kevin in the mall. This would end up putting the final nail in the coffin in my mind so to speak, or more specifically three nails. She said that 1. He was in Forever 21 of all stores. 2. He was with a bunch of girls 3. He was in a freakin sailor outfit. Ummmm.

Okay, so I’ve been in Forever 21 with some of my friends who are girls but I’m gay so whatever, but why the hell was he there in a sailor outfit? It sounds like he’s either auditioning for the Village People revival or is prepping for some bad navy inspired porn flick. Apparently it was a sailor’s hat with nautical looking outfit. In my mind, there is no straight man in his right mind that would wear that. My friend “C” who also thinks Kev’s gay follows my train of thought to the “t”.

So I don’t know, I really think he’s gay and just not comfortable with himself but then again I could be wrong. Straight guys confuse me, sometimes they can lead you so far into thinking you have a chance with them and then completely knock you right off track. I’m not going to pressure him and interrogate him if he is gay or not. I know how it feels to have been all confused and the inner turmoil that claws at your insides as I’m sure most if not all of us have.

I just want your opinion though, do you think Kev might me gay?

All the best,

JP

P.S. Three cheers for the judge's ruling saying Cali's gay marriage ban is unconstitutional :D