Welcome to DC, Please Use Your Eyes.

It's weird going into Washington D.C. as a local. As the capital of the USA you'd imagine it's a big deal, and it is for most people. But as anyone who has lived in DC or it's suburbs, all the District reminds you of is traffic, rude tourists, stupid tourists, people who clog up the Metro and those who lack city-skills altogether (oh, and the center of government, nice nightlife, and pretty monuments jazz in the background). Seriously, apart from political gridlock, the most you hear about DC in the local news is that another person has gotten shot in Southeast.

Sounds pretty grim and unbelievable, but everything I just mentioned can be bundled together in what happened at the Smithsonian Folk Life Festival. Now if you don't know what it is (and unless you live here you probably don't) please do read my last post to get the gist of the whole thing. I met my friends at the local metro stop and boarded the orange line to get to the national mall. The metro here runs the same way as in most major cities; we use cards to gain access to the train station just like most major cities, but people don't seem to figure it out. As me and my friends went through the gates, a group of New Jersey tourists next to were baffled by the card machine and a backlog had formed behind them. They were arguing over whether you put the card in on the top or side and which side faces where. Okay, the cards are labeled "this side up" and the machines are clearly marked as to where you put them in people, it's essentially tourist proof. By the time we made it down the escalator the dad of the group was throwing a quiet tantrum at his family and the teenage daughter was looking off into the sky wondering why the hell she's related to them. Lord have mercy! Commuters hate it when students use the metro, well, maybe I found a group that can irk them even more throughly. Stupid tourists? check.

By 11:30 we arrive on the National Mall where the festival takes place and the it's already packed. Mexico was to our left and Asia was to our right and the day was gorgeous. The only slight problem is that because it hasn't rained recently the ground has gotten slightly dry and since the trails along the sides of the mall are essentially dirt with some pebbles thrown in for fun, it can get rather dusty. Cue the dust busting water spray trucks- from time to time these glorious machines work there way down the paths and douse the ground with water to keep the dust from going airborne. You have plenty of warning when these things come rumbling down, the drivers (probably the most patient people you'll ever meet) honk at you and people begin to swarm towards the sides of the path...well, most people. I had to pleasure of watching a woman get soaked from the spray because she didn't bother to move to the side despite looking straight on at the approaching truck. She then had the nerve to go yell at the driver for getting her wet, his response? "Use your eyes next time" I almost lost it at that point. Stupid and city-skill lacking tourists? check.

Later as we sat on the steps of the Smithsonian, me and my two friends suddenly found ourselves surrounded by a group of GYLC kids exiting the museum. (So GYLC is a program that charges you loads of moolah to take you to places like DC, NY etc. but doesn't help you get into college and stuff, I know, I've been invited to that program before). We sat awkwardly as they talked loudly about how special they were that they were visiting Washington as part of the "Global Youth Leaders Conference", probably only because we were the only ones in sight that weren't wearing one of the badges around our necks. After their banter got tiring, we got up and left. In response to that annoying girl standing in front of us wearing an outfit that made her look like a $10 office secretary hooker- Girl, we live here, meaning we didn't spend $2000+ to to see a bunch of free museums and a free outdoor event, now get your attitude and fake blond hair back to Grand Rapids, Michigan and don't get lost on the metro on the way (on the other hand, please do get lost and wind up in Anacostia, then we'll see what happens). Rude, think-they're-so-special tourists? check.

By the end of the visit, we began to head back home. GYLC kids and slow tourists having annoyed me enough, one last test remained before I could enjoy some peace and quiet. As we descended down the escalators a loud voice was shouted "God dam it, move people" behind us. Joy of joys, it's frat boy and friends. Given that we too were stuck behind people and that I refuse to move for people who fail at life, I stood there unmoving and eventually we get off at the bottom just in time to hear "Fucking slow assholes, move when I tell you too" Hah, right. Frat boy and gang run towards their blue line train just as the doors close in their faces and pull away from the station. Bahaha, KARMA, BITCH. I love it when things work out like that. Rude people again? double check.

-to be fair, on the way home, the orange line train broke down and we ended up stuck in Rosslyn for a while before the next train came along, oh the joys of metro-

So, please do come visit DC, just remember a few simple ground rules. 1. Use your eyes 2. Don't make the commuters angry, you'll lose 3. Be courteous to us, and we'll be courteous to you 4. Ben's Chili Bowl will always be crowded, get over it and 5. Try not make a fool of yourself or you'll end up in the blogs of many a DC native like this one.

All the best and happy fourth of July,

JP

-Oh, and if you haven't already, please do check out the blog of fellow DC resident DC Cised