12 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Needs to be Illegal

While I really do wish I had the creativity and time needed to come up with all the following on my own, I unfortunately cannot. -find the original article here- I found this on a French gay-oriented magazine's website called Tetu and I really enjoyed reading it so I took upon the task of translating it for you guys. If my translation doesn't "flow" as smoothly as you would expect, I apologize for mes abilités francaise but I really dislike online translators.

Also, this is all done in humourous spirit with plenty of sarcasm sprinkled on top, take it with a light heart.

Why gay marriage needs to be illegal in 12 points.

1. Homosexuality isn't natural, just like glasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because the parents can bear children. Like homosexual couples, infertile couples and the elderly cannot marry because they can't produce children
either.

3. Homosexual parents are sure to raise gay children, just like straight parents only raise straight children

4. Heterosexual marriages will lose their meaning if gay marriage were to be legalized. Things like Britney Spears' 55 hour long marriage "just for fun" would make perfect sense otherwise.

5. "Normal" marriage has existed forever and has never changed. Women have always been the property of their husbands, blacks can never marry whites, and it is impossible to get divorced.

6. Same-sex marriage needs to be the result of a popular vote, not of justice, because the majority has always protected the rights of minorities

7. Homosexual marriage is condemned by religion. In a theocracy like ours, religious doctrine is always right, because there is only one religion.

8. Gay marriage would make other people become gay, just like having tall people around make other people become taller.

9. Legalizing gay marriage would open the door to a whole new world of abnormalities. People can begin to request marriages with animals, and then dogs will be elevated to a position equal to people and can sign marriage contracts.

10. Children will not have crucial masculine and feminine figures in a gay household. That's why it's illegal for single parents to raise children.

11. Same sex marriage would change the very foundations of society. Normal marriage has existed forever and we can never adapt such radical new things, just like we have never been able to adapt ourselves to cars, life extending drugs etc.

12. Civil Unions, which grant the exact same benefits as gay marriage just under a different name are even better because the doctrine of "separate but equal" is always constitutional. Just like it worked for black school children in America, "weddings" should be "separate but equal" for gays and lesbians.