Friday, May 6, 2011

Head West

Sometimes I drift off into some fantasy while I'm studying for finals and imagine myself saying "fuck it", tossing my books in the corner, jumping into a Mustang Convertible (5.0, manual, always.) and just driving west.

I wouldn't stopping for anything; I would just looking forward towards the horizon, reveling in the mystery of it all. I'll feel the small knot in my stomach from not knowing what lies around the next corner, over the next hill and through the next tunnel, craving that feeling more and more, searching for a new side road to explore.

I would drive until the tank runs dry and then until I run out of money and can't pay for any more gas. I would feel the sun on my skin, the wind brushing my hair and the sound of a big V8 under the hood. It's marriage of man and machine at its finest.

Then after imagining all of this I would snap back into reality and see that I don't have a Mustang, I don't have the money, I don't have the ability to be carefree like that, at least not now. It's not even because finals are in full swing, it's because I have more important things to concentrate on in my life. Schoolwork for one, but also helping to care for my family and being there for my mom. I told her I wasn't getting a job because I needed to contribute to the family finances, that was a half-lie. I want to be less of a burden on her, she has enough to worry about with my grandpa and dad and all. I need a job to be more financially independent but also because my main goal this summer is to make enough money to buy my mom a laptop for her birthday.

Every year I would get her roses, a card, something small, but all along she really has deserved more. She's been wanting a laptop for a while now, but spending hundreds of dollars just isn't in the picture for her. I don't care if I do end up working in the produce department of a supermarket six days a week to do this, but I've made a promise to myself that by August, I will have a big wrapped box waiting on her desk when she wakes up.

3 comments:

  1. Yeah you're right; the fantasies are nice until the money runs out. After a recession the employment is the last to pick up and getting a summer job is not easy right now so don't be too picky. I know what you mean by not wanting to be a burden and it is a matter of pride too; lots of young people are too spoiled these days with a sense of entitlement. The laptop would be a nice gift for your mother. bfn - Wayne :) (I've had 3 Mustang GTs over the years all with a manual transmission; and because I completed my education.)

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  2. It's sooo nice of you to want to give her that surprise I wish that you'll be able to give it to her

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