The therapist and the confused

So summer has bene in full swing for just over one full week now and the drama has alreayd begun. I am naturally a helpful person but this past week i've come to realize i've become essentially the therpist for my circle of friends. So far this year i've dealt with so many subjects from self-loathing to pressure to have sex which makes me wonder if I should go into psychology in university..hmmmmm...

In other news, I have a little quip to make, girls always say "o why are all the hot guys gay?", well, I have to disagree, since while there are a lot of hot gay guys out there, so far ever guy I have liked and currently like have all been straight, or at least I'm 90% sure they are straight. Then again maybe it could be because i am not all the way out yet, 10 of my friends know but i'm not officially out of the closet at my school. Even worse though, is that you become friends with them which is so fantastic but you know that it would never go beyond this just-friends stage. ugh. Another problem is that at my school all the gay guys I know don't appeal to me in the least. Maybe it's just me, but I don't go for the flambouyant type which most of the gay guys at my school, and what I mean is tight pants and rather ridiculous shirts, but maybe that's just my school. My friend and I just went out ot lunch a few days ago at thsi local Indian place and we were dicussing this, as for now, my only hope right now is that the guys who I realy do like 1. are in the closet or 2. have some bi tendancies.

Sorry if I sounded really whiny in this post, it's just kinda bothering me lately, but this week looks promising, I have a movie "date" with my friend tomorrow, a possible birthday on Friday and a pool party on the 4th of July so this might turn out to be a fabulous week after all.

"My eyes aren't closed, I'm just Asian"

Okay, so today is Thursday and i decided to post something before I head off to bed. Today was an interesting day, I ended up getting up late again, well late for me since I normally get up by 8 and today I got up at 9:30, but still I think it's late, but the real highlight was getting to see my SAT Subject test scores. Well, I'm satisfied, but kinda disappointed at the same time, 720 US History and 760 Chemistry, I'm happy with chem, but kinda mad at myself about US Hist. I knew it was harder than i expected when i took the test and technically it is a good score, but it ain't good enough for Columbia dammit. Maybe it's just the asian in me or something but meh, it's just kinda annoying, so I'm pretty sure i'll retake the test in October or November. So yeah, sorry about my bitching and whining but hey, i'm just trying to get the best deal for my future.

In other news, John Barrowman is my new hero, seriously. If you don't know him, he is the openly gay actor/stage performer/singer from the wonderful land of Scotland who moved to the US and then back to the UK and currently has dual citizenship. Not only is he hilarious, but he seems to be such a nice, fun and likable person you simply would not be able to ignore. the fact that he's pretty good looking doesn't hurt either haha. If you don't know some of his works, he plays Captain Jack Harkness in Torchwood and Doctor Who on BBC1 i believe (two of my favorite shows btw) and has an album out and does stage performances too. So yeah, I pretty much think he is the boss.

So yeah,

"talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFyfCV6nPjA

god natt!

Erg Shed Painting and Senior Photos

It's day 5 of summer break and I'm still settling into the rhythm, but I'm getting there slowly. today I went in to help out and paint out school's crew team's erg shed, it looks pretty awesome if I do say so myself and it is also the only one that I know of at our school. The only spoiler of the day was a janitor who was exceptionally rude when i asked to borrow a chair so we could reach teh top trim of teh shed, not only was he snappy and an a-hole to start off with, he cursed me off saying "no shit, it's going to be locked"(referring to the cafeteria) when I told him we were going to return the chair right when we were done. Absolutely insane and uncalled for, especially coming from school faculty, I probably could report that too if I wanted to since there were about 6 other people there. But other than that spoiler of the day, it was a pretty uneventful and fun painting session.

Also, tomorrow is my appointment for senior photos at school - meaning I get to take casual and formal photos for the yearbook. I learned form someof my friends that I will have to "pose" for some of the casual shots, w.t.f.. I don't do poses, seriously I don't, unless they are for fun with friends, poses are awkward and unnatural. ugh. But yeah, this has come to make me realize that I am now entering the last year of my high school and effectively childhood education years. 14 years of schooling, including preschool and kindergarden now done, it's kinda weird since I even remember leaving elementary school was such a big step for me, but now in one year, I will be going off to college, this is going to be quite a shift.

So yeah, I will be going back to relaxing thsi week, I have already bought my summer reading books and I should get started on them but I'm going to set them aside for now.

Bored...already

Okay, so it's been two days into summer and the horrifying disease known as chronic boredom has already set in. It's weird how things work, I'm so happy that school is out and I get a break, but now i'm mad that I have nothing to do, unless I'm out with friends or something, there is only so much I can do at home which is annoying. Also, I don't plan to starting my summer assignments for at least one more week which i feel is still a LOT earlier than most people are going to start theirs. So yeah, I really wish I had a car but I will ahve to wait probably until the school year starts.

Also, tomorrow is Fathers Day! Yay, so congrats to all the dads out there, I can't imagine all the effort and wokr you put into eveyrthing you do so have some fun. My family is having a barbeque tomorrow and it look slike we're going to have 19 of our relatives over whcih would be okay except for the fact that i live ina town house while in Virginia, and a house filled with loud, talkative and ever so "I need to know every detail about your life" conversations will be ever so fun. Anyways, I have a new song stuck in my head that that would be "Kids" by The Mangement or MGMT, don't know why, but it's very catchy, check it out!

-MGMT - "Kids"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIEOZCcaXzE

Reflecting on Junior Year

Today was another milestone in my 16 years, I have completed my junior year of high school. In the end, it all ended up turning out alright, my GPA is a very happy 4.14 for the year but probably only because I had to work my ass off for the last quarter of school, jeez I wish i could recover all those lost hours of sleep. But yeah, it was fun, as I mentioned before, me and a group of friends dressed up mafia style today and freaked out a few people in the halls and the occasional teacher which was fun to day the least, we ended up going to one of my friend's houses and watching the Godfather 9first time for me), playing Halo 3 (which i sucked horribly at) and eating pizza and cake for lunch (which, thankfully, I'll always be good at).

So what have I learned this year? well apart from all the stuff in the land of academia, i also learned some important tips and lessons during my tenure as a 11th grader. First, be nice to the teacher, seriously, i lost count of how many times i have been able to get away with some things or have been able to away opinions because a teacher likes me (i'm hardly a teachers pet either). Another lesson, get sleep, and plenty of it. I did crew this year, and being a novice this time 'round I guess I didn't sort out my time properly since for pretty much half of 2nd and all of 3rd quarter, i ended up going to bed at about 2AM (note, I get up at 6:20), so that probably hurt me in the end. Third, You can never underestimate the value of friends, even if they can be bitchy and nagging at times, if you can get through those periods, you can trust in the fact that you will be on good terms for as long as you and your friends live. For me at least, I am not one to be easily become close friends with, I need time to decide if I can trust someone so my inner circle is made up only of people who I know I can trust with even the most unsavoury of secrets. That's why i appreciate my best friend who shall not be named, but let's just say she was the first person I came out to on, and, i can't believe I actually remember the exact date, on July 22, 2008. Remember now that this was a time I was so afraid and absolutely terrified about this that actually telling someone would be as big of a step for me as the discovery of penicillin was for the field of medicine. And a fourth and final lesson, remember to have fun, school is stressful enough and there is no need for your life to be filled with long nights and constant work without some respite and relaxation. take some time to do something you enjoy, have a cup of tea, listen to some music, or just take a nap, seriously, it does wonders. My own mission statement for life in a nutshell is "work hard, play harder", you only have one life to live, make the most of it.

Okay, now that all that jazz is over, it's time for me to start enjoying summer before the flood of summer AP assignments (remind me why I'm taking 4 classes and taking 5 tests next year?) and never ending college visits takes root. As the one year anniversary of my initial coming out is rolling around, I was thinking of coming out to all my friends this summer, not just because it's one year, but just because I'm much more comfortable with myself now and I think it would benefit both me and my friends and people I know to be able to know the true me and not just a masked version. I'll see what happens, hopefully I can get a boyfriend next year or at least have a date for homecoming, but maybe I'm looking a little too far into the future haha.