Well I'm back - again deep in my emotions and looking to let things out in one of my corners of the internet.
Being open and honest about my feelings, my emotions, and what makes my happy, sad, angry, or my heart ache has never been something I'm good at. I'm not sure if it's to do with growing up in an Asian household where expressing emotion, especially among men, was rarely done. Heck, there were only a handful of times where I know I truly have let out all my emotions I was feeling at a time - including when I first came out to my mom, but since then, I still keep things bottled up. I had a therapist for a while and she encouraged me to find ways to express myself, to stop bottling things up, and this blog had and continues to be one of those outlets.
God that was a long intro. But I wanted to come back and say - I hope everyone is doing well. If you celebrate American Thanksgiving - I hope you were able to have some time with your parents and enjoyed some well deserved time off. I know Thanksgiving can be a tough time of year for many, and this year especially as it feels things are more divisive than ever. We had a small Thanksgiving this year with my family - just 5 as many were traveling. But nevertheless, it was a cozy evening - full of good food, lazy afternoons, and peace.
But what is a good blog post without me spilling some of my emotions for you to read?
I'm looking for a new therapist - or I should say, my partner and I are looking for a couples therapist to help us reconcile and understand where we are in our relationship. We've been together now for over 11 years - its been great, but it's also been the only true long, long term relationship I've been in. We've grown together, bought a house, and are living our best lives together, but also, we both know things have cooled over the last few years. We still obviously deeply care for one another, we value each other above all, and he makes me happy, but also we both know something needs to change if we want to stay with each other for the long term.
I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship - my own, my parents, my family, and my friends all have multiple examples, but taking the step to see what we can do to help us nurture our relationship is important. As someone who struggles with being open and emotional, this is something I am nervous and hesitant about, but I know it's needed.
Wish me luck.
JP
